


Baby Steps

by Morriggann



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Eventual Sex, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Panic Attacks, Therapy, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:22:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24391243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morriggann/pseuds/Morriggann
Summary: Cori Brandford has had a perfect life with the perfect father until a fateful night reveals the truth.When she thought she could count on her friends Bucky, Steve, Clint, Natasha, and Tony, they all let her down to deal with the consequences on her own.Can she recover and rise from the ashes of her life?
Comments: 43
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

> The sounds were muffled. almost like her ears were clogged. The only thing she could make out were faint beeps in the distance. Lights beamed brightly in her eyes, but she couldn’t understand what they were; they annoyed her, though. The red and blue flashes kept coming at her and she tried to open her eyes to have a look around, to understand what was going on, but staying awake was so hard. She wavered on her feet, stumbling as she tried to move, and someone grabbed her arms to gather them behind her back.
> 
> “You’re under arrest for endangering the life of others, carrying, and discharging a concealed weapon…”
> 
> Cori heard the words, but they didn’t register. The only thing she felt was her throat raw, her head throbbing, and knots in her stomach. She closed her eyes as she felt tugged and pulled from all sides. A hand then pushed on her head. She didn’t even try to resist; she knew she didn’t have the strength. When she tried to speak, her mouth felt like cotton. She pressed her head against the seat and sighed, not understanding what was going on.
> 
> _What are you doing? Put the gun down!_
> 
> People were screaming in her mind. 
> 
> A loud sound woke her up and when she opened her eyes again, Cori laid on a bench, her cheek pressed on the cool metal, her body curled up in a ball. Her limbs were numb and painful, stiff from the cold. She looked around, not seeing any familiar faces, only metal bars, and a police officer standing by the door. 
> 
> “Cori Elysabeth Brandford? Get up. Your turn.”
> 
> Cori only then realized she was in a jail cell and she sucked in a breath. Still, she couldn’t understand what she was doing there or how she had ended up in such a place. She pushed herself up, her head spinning, and she stood slowly, walking to the door, her feet dragging on the floor. “I don’t… I don’t understand,” she murmured.
> 
> “Hands to the front,” the officer commanded.
> 
> Cori frowned but complied while handcuffs were locked around her wrists. She jerked, her body trembling as the officer pushed her hands back inside the cell. He then unlocked the door, waving at her to walk. She followed and looked down at herself, seeing her dress half ripped, her knees scraped, and scratches on her arms. “What happened to me?” she asked in a small voice.
> 
> “Quiet.”
> 
> Cori swallowed hard and the officer shoved her into a room with only a table and chairs around it. He fastened the handcuffs to the table then left. It took a few minutes for another officer to come in, this one dressed in a simple navy suit, the collar open.
> 
> “I’m Detective Coulson. Do you know where you are?” he asked.
> 
> She glanced around fearfully. “I’m in jail. But I don’t know why,” Cori answered.
> 
> “Don’t know why?” His tone was harsh. “You mean to tell me you don’t remember breaking into a private party, waving a gun around, and shooting it? You have injured three people, Miss Brandford, and one of them is fighting for his life.”
> 
> Cori’s eyes widened as she listened in horror. “I would never do that! I don’t… NO! I would never…” But as she spoke, her mind tried to focus. Was the detective right? Her head still ached and forming coherent thoughts was difficult. 
> 
> She saw the detective pull out a tablet, punch in a few keys. He turned it towards her. Her heart sank as she saw herself on the screen at the compound, screaming while waving a pistolin her hand. She was disheveled and had a haggard look in her eyes. “I didn’t… I don’t remember,” she stammered.
> 
> “Playing the memory loss defense? Good one, Miss Brandford. I’ll advise you to get a good lawyer,” Detective Coulson said as he closed the tablet. “You’re allowed one phone call. Make it the right one.” He left as an officer in uniform came in carrying a phone. 
> 
> He put in front of her and Cori slowly dialed the only number she could remember at that moment. She waited while it rang and finally heard a familiar voice. “Bucky? I need your help.”
> 
> When she was done, the officer grabbed her arm and took her back to a cell where she sat alone and cold. She sat as straight as she could, shivering as she wrapped her arms around her waist. 
> 
> For hours, she waited, Bucky had said he would get there as soon as possible but she still hadn’t seen him. 
> 
> Bucky. 
> 
> Cori held back a smile. They had been good friends for years now, and for Cori, it had turned into more than friendship for her. She was ready to tell him since it seemed he never realized how she felt about him. She didn’t know how he’d react, but she was inclined to think he felt the same way, seeing as how he was with her; all smiles, kind, flirty even. She tried to remember when she was supposed to see him, but her temple suddenly ached as she tried to focus on that. She shook her head and breathed out, wringing her hands. 
> 
> A buzzing sound made her jerk and she looked at the door, seeing the same officer. “Brandford. You have a visitor.”
> 
> Cori nodded and went to the door, hissing in pain as her knees ached with every step. She looked down to see dried blood on them. 
> 
> The officer handcuffed her again, then let her out, leading her to the same room she was in before. Bucky was waiting inside, pacing around. He looked up when he saw her, his face deformed by anger. His eyes were bloodshot, his lips a thin white line. Cori ran to him, but he pulled back, his hands in the air. 
> 
> “Don’t touch me!” he spat.
> 
> “Bucky! Please, I need you!” Cori cried out.
> 
> “Don’t you dare say anything to me. I’ve called you a lawyer and that’s all I will do,” he replied angrily. “How could you do that? A gun at the compound in front of all those people? Really? What the fuck is the matter with you?” he yelled.
> 
> “I… I don’t know, Bucky. I don’t know.” Tears streamed down Cori’s face as she tried to get closer to him, her shackled hands shaking. “Please!”
> 
> He pushed her away and walked to the door. “Cori, do you know what this could do to my career? To yours? You’re Tony’s right-hand woman after Pepper. I could lose my job if it gets out. What about Tony? Have you thought of the consequences?” he shouted, his hand gripping the doorknob.
> 
> Cori sobbed, stepping back as his words hit her. “N-No. Bucky, please don’t go. I don’t remember. I don’t know what happened.”
> 
> “I don’t care, Cori. You were caught on camera! Those images will surface any day now. Tony will lose face. Nat will be blamed for letting a gun inside at such an event and I could be fired from the only thing that keeps me sane. I can’t be seen with you.” He turned the knob and said in a low voice, “The lawyer’s on her way and I’m out of here. Forget you know me,” he added, storming out.
> 
> Cori fell to her knees, painful sobs escaping her lips. She hugged her waist, hot tears rolling on her cheeks. She crawled to the chair and sat, bringing her knees to her chest. Nothing made sense to her anymore; the gun, the jail, even Bucky’s reaction. He had always been so warm and helpful but the man in front of her a moment ago was not the one she knew. 
> 
> She shook her head, trying to send the images of him screaming away, but it only made her cry harder. The door opened and a woman carrying a briefcase came in. “Cori Brandford? I’m Maria Hill. I’m your lawyer. From now on, not a word unless you talk to me first.”
> 
> Cori nodded and lowered her legs as the lawyer called on the officer to bring Cori water and food and to remove the handcuffs. She sat up straight, her body trembling, as she listened to the lawyer’s speech, but the only thing that she could truly comprehend is how exhausted she was. 
> 
> At one point, she raised her hand in the air. “Please, Miss Hill, I don’t… I don’t understand why I’m here. I’m just so lost,” she said under her breath.
> 
> “You stand accused of many things. But for now, what you need to know is that you’ll be sent to jail, in the medical wing, on suicide watch. You’ll appear…”
> 
> “Suicide watch? But I…”
> 
> “Considering what you’ve done, it’s not a surprise,” the lawyer cut off. “You’ll be arraigned in front of a judge. If you get out on bail, the amount could be surprisingly high. You need to be aware of this.”
> 
> It was like the air had been knocked out of Cori’s lungs. She laid her head on her hands and let tears out, still fuzzy, still confused. “Can I call someone?”
> 
> “No. You’ve used your only phone call. Fortunately, he called me. You might get allowed collect calls but that depends on your behavior for the duration of the proceedings,” Hill answered.
> 
> On top of it all, Cori felt deflated that she couldn’t ask for anyone’s help. The doors opened and she saw two men dressed in white come in.
> 
> “Let’s go,” one of them said. 
> 
> “Come quietly, don’t make a scene,” the other said. 
> 
> While tears streamed down her face, Cori stood to join them. But her knees buckled, and a black veil fell before her eyes.
> 
> Time passed quickly. Cori felt like she was in a bubble. She couldn’t rely on her memories, even less her faculties. Barely anything her lawyer said registered. 
> 
> After her seventy-two-hour psychiatric hold, Cori met with a court-appointed psychiatrist. but her mind was still clouded. The only respite she found was when she was alone in her cell at night, curled up in fetal position. She didn’t have a bed or even a blanket to cover herself. All she had was her helplessness since her mind faltered. Countless hours of crying left her exhausted and her food went untouched. 
> 
> During her arraignment, Cori sat in the courtroom hardly attentive to what was going on, though she tried her best. Maria adamantly discouraged her to testify on her own behalf after seeing the psychiatrist’s assessment of her mental state. Cori asked that her friends were contacted to testify on her behalf, but no one came.
> 
> It was on a gloomy April afternoon that she was remanded to the Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital for no less than a year, for confinement and treatment.
> 
> “Cori? Can you hear me?”
> 
> Cori’s eyes rolled and she groaned, covering them with her hand to block the light. “Go away.”
> 
> “You know we’ll have to start eventually. Your sentence said one year, but if you do not cooperate, it might be extended. I cannot treat you if you do not talk to me.”
> 
> Cori sucked in a breath and looked at the woman. “I can’t talk to you because I don’t remember!” she snapped.
> 
> “That’s what I’m here for. To help you remember and to help you heal.”
> 
> Cori let out a sob, burying her face in the pillow. She didn’t know for how long she had been in the hospital, only that time seemed to pass like a tortoise on Valium. The comfort of her bed was the only thing she wanted, though she was aware that she couldn’t stay hidden forever.
> 
> Slowly, she raised herself up, sitting cross-legged, and stared at the woman who had come around to see her every day for what seemed like an eternity. “What should I do?” she asked with a small voice.
> 
> “I’m Dr. Peggy Carter, in case you didn’t remember,” the doctor said as she sat down. “Now, tell me about yourself.”
> 
> Cori’s brow furrowed. “I thought we were here to talk about what happened.”
> 
> “We’ll get to it. I want to establish a relationship of trust first. I’m your doctor. I’m here to help you. But if you do not feel comfortable with me, we’ll never get anywhere. I just want you to understand that I’m on your side. The police and courts have done their part. Now, I’ll do mine, so you can leave that in the past and begin to grasp what has been going on with you.”
> 
> As she ran her hand through her tangled brown hair, Cori sighed. She’d tried braiding it, since it went down to her breasts, but she was so numb from all the medication, she wasn’t able to hold the fine strands of hair. “I’m not sure where to start,” she murmured. 
> 
> “Where were you born? Where did you grow up?”
> 
> “I was born and raised in Montreal. My father was a financier, going around the world sometimes, but he made a home for us in Montreal. My mother died soon after I was born, and Dad raised me on his own.”
> 
> “He never remarried?”
> 
> Cori shook her head. “No. He said he wanted to focus on my well-being. He was an amazing father.”
> 
> Dr. Carter took a few notes, then looked at her. “When did you move to New York?”
> 
> “Dad died just before I turned twenty-one. I finished college, then I had to take care of his estate. I sold the house we had in Montreal. I’d always wanted to come to New York, and he had said he would take me back when I graduated. He even bought a condo there. So, I did that on my own. I’ve been here for nine years now.”
> 
> “And how was that for you? Did you adapt well?
> 
> Cori nodded, fiddling with her hair. “I was quickly hired at the Stark Industries, I’m an assistant coordinator...was an assistant coordinator” she breathed out. “I made friends, got settled in Dad’s condo, then moved to the compound. What will happen to that house?” she suddenly asked.
> 
> “For now, your assets are frozen, per order of the court. When you are released, so will your money, home, and car.”
> 
> “Okay,” Cori whispered. She tugged on the hem of her tank top, biting her lip. “So, what now?”
> 
> “Now, I would like to reduce your medication a little bit and start intensive therapy. I don’t think you’re ready for group therapy yet, so I’m suggesting one on one sessions, every day if you’re up to it. If not, we will go as you’re able to sustain them.”
> 
> “Will I remember what happened? Or why did I do what I did?”
> 
> “The simple fact that you’re acknowledging that you did do something is a step.”
> 
> Cori smiled through the tears that welled in her eyes. “There’s no way in hell I’m staying here forever.” She reached to rub Bucky’s sobriety chip hanging at her neck, then remembered it had been taken away. She missed him.
> 
> “That’s the spirit,” Dr. Carter said with a smile. She stood, her notepad in hand. “We will start tomorrow morning. Can I do anything for you before I go?”
> 
> “Can I bathe? And change?”
> 
> “Of course. Some basic items have been brought for you, by a certain Mr. Stark,” Dr. Carter said, looking into her file. “I will have someone help you in a moment.” 
> 
> “Tony was here? Can I call him? Or someone else?” Cori asked with hope.
> 
> “I’m sorry. It’s still not possible. But I will keep your next-of-kin updated.”
> 
> Cori tilted her head to the side, thinking of her cousin Pepper Potts, and sighed. “Thank you very much,” she replied, hugging her knees to her chest. 
> 
> Tony had been by and yet, she hadn’t seen him. It brought a little sunshine in her darkness, but it still felt she was in a hole so deep, she’d never dig her way out. She shivered and hid her face in her knees, letting out a sob. She didn’t know what was in store for her and it terrified her to face the monster in the closet without her friends by her side.
> 
> On the other side of town, a cellphone rang, and a red-haired woman answered, “Pepper Potts.”
> 
> “Ms. Potts, this is Dr. Carter, your cousin’s psychiatrist. I’m calling to let you know she’s finally cooperating and we’re starting the intensive therapy.”
> 
> “Oh, good. I’m glad to hear that.” Pepper sat down by Tony’s side on the couch. “What else is going on?”
> 
> “For now, I can’t say much but she’s awake and wants to start the process. I’ll call and let you know more when I can, as much as I legally can.”
> 
> “Thank you, Dr. Carter,” Pepper said. She hung up and leaned against Tony. “Cori’s cooperating.”
> 
> He sighed heavily, still hurt by all the events. “Good.”
> 
> “Will you ever get over it? You’re fine and she didn’t hurt anyone.”
> 
> “Let’s not start on this right now, Pepper. I’m not in the mood.” Tony turned on the television and tried to leave his assistant aside to enjoy the evening with his wife. But he still wondered how Cori fared. 
> 
> Only time would tell.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun was out, hot and beaming, yet Cori was shaking. No matter how much she tried to get warm, she couldn’t. April had New York blooming, but she shivered, cold sweats running down her back, fear spreading to her bones. The city was buzzing with life and she had to rejoin it. That terrified her. A panic attack was on the verge of swallowing her whole.

“Are you alright, Cori?”

Doing her best to calm down, Cori grounded herself, then inhaled sharply and looked back. Behind her stood Bellevue Hospital. For the last year, the hospital had been her home. She had completely gone down the rabbit hole only to dig her way back up. It had been the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life. She’d found herself again and discovered things she never knew were within her. 

She tugged on the hem of her jacket and looked up at Dr. Carter, the woman who had helped salvage her mind and her soul. “Y-Yes. I’m...nervous.”

Dr. Carter walked up to her and placed a comforting hand over her arm. “Perfectly normal. This has been a long process for you, and even if you’ve had permissions to go out, it’s the first time you’re completely free,” she explained. “But you can do this. I believe you’re ready.”

“I can. And I will. Thank you,” Cori replied, hugging her doctor.

“You can call whenever you need something. Any time. I will still see you at your weekly sessions”

Cori nodded and waved goodbye, walking to the cab that had stopped in front of the gates. Clutching the strap of her travel bag, she sat, biting her lip as the cab drove her to Queens. She was free. Free and alone.

**_6 months later_ **

With a large smile on her face, Cori pedaled hard, then lifted her legs off the bike, giggling. The wind on her face and the sun on her nose was enough to make her happy as she rode to work. 

For over three months, she’d been working at Sweet Gems of Europe, welcoming customers, and taking their orders. She was grateful to have been given such a chance by the owner of the company. Wanda Maximoff had been more than generous with her and knew everything about her past. She taught Cori everything she knew when she was off the clock so she could eventually help out in the kitchen.

It had been a long road since Bellevue. Once Cori decided to start off on a clean slate, Dr. Carter had arranged for her a room in a boarding house in Queens until her assets had been cleared by the court and when that had been done, Cori had sold the condo her father owned on the Upper East Side. There was no way she could stay in that house, not after all this time, with the memories and the struggles she was still going through. She had only returned once to gather her personal belongings and pictures. The money she had made with the sale had been placed in a savings account and part of it donated to Bellevue Hospital.

Living alone again was a whole new learning curve for Cori. Not that she’d never lived alone before but having spent so much time surrounded by other patients and only having the comfort of a small room was much different. 

After finding her bearings again, Cori had bought a small two-bedroom house in Queens and quickly grown fond of the area. The neighbors were friendly, and it was quiet all around. She took her time to decorate it all the while adopting an orange tabby cat, Goose, from a local shelter. He quickly nestled in his habits, grumpy half the time, but Cori loved him as he provided some comfort and companionship on lonely nights.

Since she’d been out of the hospital, she hadn’t contacted anyone from her old job or even her friends. Without surprise, she’d been fired from Stark Industries. Tony hadn’t contacted her, and even if Pepper was her cousin and next-of-kin, she wasn’t ready to re-enter that world, nor was she ready to see her old friends. She was so disappointed in them since they had never visited her in the hospital that she had no desire to ever see them again. This was a start to a new life.

She stopped at the Sweet Gems of Europe storefront, tied her bike to the bike rack, then removed her helmet to smooth out her hair. Once inside, she smiled at Pietro, Wanda’s brother, and business partner, then at Wanda who was hard at work in the kitchen. Cori went in the back and put on her smock with her name tag, punched in her timecard then joined Pietro in the front so he could prepare deliveries. 

She had easily joined the team, loving the atmosphere of the shop. When she had time, she learned the ropes in the kitchen alongside Wanda. They were slowly becoming friends, though Cori had a hard time letting her in; her old friends’ actions still remained in her mind.

The bell signaling a new customer rang out and Cori lifted her head, smiling to welcome the client. “Hello! Welcome to Sweet Gems of…” Her smile quickly faded. Her throat constricted and her hands became numb.

“Cori. You’re...here.”

Bucky was on the other side of the counter, his face as pale as a sheet. He reached out, but Cori pulled back, her breath hitching, and escaped to the back store. She managed to make her way to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, then sat on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. She felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest and her teeth chattered as she buried her face in her hands, holding back her tears. Her hands balled into fists while her nails dug into her palms. “Calm down, you don’t have to see him. He’ll go away,” she whispered to herself. It wasn’t enough. She felt her lips sting then turn as numb as her hands. _Oh, God, he can’t be here. I can’t do this!_

A knock on the door startled her and she whimpered when she realized she hadn’t locked it. 

“Cori? Are you alright, love?” Wanda asked through the door.

Cori crawled to the door, on her hands and knees, tears rolling down as she leaned on it. “Please, Wanda, I just need a few minutes.”

“Certainly, take your time. Whoever that man was, he’s gone now. If you need me, just call out. I’m here for you.”

“O-Okay.” Cori coughed and sniffled, swallowing back her tears. She appreciated more than words could say how supportive Wanda was, but this was a lot.

She knew seeing one of her old friends again would happen eventually, that she would see Bucky or one of the others, but she wasn’t ready, even less to see any of them at her workplace. 

The shock of it all made her nauseous and she had time to turn around to retch in the toilet. For a while, her stomach cramped up, leaving her breathless, but she remembered Dr. Carter’s advice to calm herself down.

After breathing in and out many times, she slowly stood, rinsed her mouth, and washed her hands. She looked at herself, seeing her mascara had run down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her nose was dripping. She freshened up as best she could, and after a deep breath, made her way back out. 

She passed by Wanda’s station and thanked her for the quiet moment, then joined Pietro, who squeezed her hand gently. He knew Cori had been through some rough times, without knowing the extent of it, so he was compassionate when these outbursts happened,

Twice before with two different customers, Cori had had to hide in the bathroom; one had recognized her from the news, the other a secretary from Stark Industries. Each time, Cori had ended up hidden away, managing her fear and feelings without having to call Dr. Carter. She had grown stronger in therapy but still stumbled sometimes; less and less as time passed. Her panic attacks were still strong, though, and she hated herself for wavering so much.

After a few sips of water and a bite of a scone, Cori managed to get back on her feet and get through her day. But when she got home, all she could think about was Bucky. She knew he couldn’t be to blame for coming by the bakery; he didn’t know she worked there. But even after all this time, she still wanted to blame him for everything. He hadn’t called, visited, or tried to make amends. By now, she wasn’t sure she wanted him to. 

Once she was out of the hospital and had settled in her house, she had put her old life behind, including tokens and things that reminded her of it. For some reason, when she got home that night, she couldn’t help but look in that little wooden box she kept in her sock drawer. The box held what was dearest to Bucky’s heart, his sobriety tokens. Every time he got a new one, he’d given it to her except for his first ever, which always remained in his pocket. If she counted right, by now, he’d be close to his tenth anniversary. 

When she got home that night, she settled calmly with Goose and a movie, but she kept thinking of her unexpected visitor. She was glad the next day had a session with Dr. Carter. But that wasn’t enough. She still felt the tentacles of anxiety crawling into her heart and mind. For most of the night, she was awake, thinking things over. 

As soon as she was inside the psychiatrist’s office the next morning, Cori spilled out what had happened at the beginning of the week while Dr. Carter listened.

“Cori, breathe,” she finally said to stop her from hyperventilating.

Cori breathed in and out, trying to calm down, and looked at her therapist. “I’m sorry, I just… I managed to make it through the day without calling you. I just… I didn’t want to forget anything.”

“You can call me at any time. I’ve said it time and again. But I’m glad that you did go through your day this way.” Dr. Carter smiled. “Now, you knew this would happen eventually, that you would see Mr. Barnes and your other friends again. Is it so unsettling?”

“More than I thought. I was stunned to see him there. But thinking about it, not very much. The bakery is not that far from his work,” Cori explained.

“How did it make you feel?”

“Scared. But angry. I’m still angry at him.”

Dr. Carter took notes, then looked up. “Anger is normal, Cori.”

“Really? Angry enough that I want to lunge at him, scratch his eyes and pretty face and yell at him like there’s no tomorrow? Do you know that one of the only things I never forgot of that night is him yelling at me at the police headquarters? It was like he was a different person entirely, not the Bucky I knew.”

“He was angry, scared probably,” Dr. Carter explained.

Cori sighed. “Will it ever go away, the anger? Will I ever see him in a different light?”

“In my opinion, not until you face him.”

Cori’s head lowered and she wrung her hands to stop them from shaking. “I don’t think I can do it individually… If I face him, I face them all,” she said as she looked back at the doctor. “They’re strong people, that I know. They can take it. And they better, after all this time.”

Dr. Carter smiled. “I like hearing that. When would you like to do this?”

“The sooner the better. I can’t live with the dread of seeing them every day. I have to be ready, in case I see them again. And if they know, they might… I hope… back off.”

“Alright. I still have their numbers in your file, from the first session. Should I contact them?”

Cori nodded, sniffling. “Yes. Let’s just get on with this.”

“Ms. Romanoff, gentlemen, welcome. Thank you for being here.”

Five leather chairs were settled in a half-circle in front of two other chairs, one empty, one occupied by Dr. Carter, and in those occupied chairs were sitting Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, and Clint Barton. All of them looked nervous. 

“I’m Dr. Peggy Carter, Cori’s therapist. She will join us in a moment. There are a few rules today. The first one is you are not allowed to interrupt Cori unless she asks a direct question. She has many things to say and she needs a safe environment to do so, which is why she chose to have you all here today. Your phones must be off is rule number two, and the third is to not touch her. She was quite adamant about that.” She pushed a button on her desk phone. “Hope, send Cori in, please.”

The guests breathed in deeply as Cori came in. She wore a simple short sleeve fuchsia blouse with black pants. A fine silver bracelet graced her wrist and she wore a watch on the other.

“You cut your hair, sweetheart,” Steve whispered as his eyes widened. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he added, his hand over his mouth.

Cori’s hand went to her shortened hair, her bob haircut barely touching her shoulders. She nodded but didn’t say anything as she sat. She looked at Dr. Carter, who nodded at her. 

“Whenever you’re ready,” said the psychiatrist.

Cori reached for the glass of water on the side table, drinking half of it. She breathed in and out, then looked at each of them, directly in the eyes. Bucky was shifty, Steve seemed stressed. Natasha was sitting on the edge of her chair, hands on her knees, Clint looked troubled, and Tony kept toying with his watch. 

Cori felt strange, nervous even, seeing them all in the same place again. She closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts, and breathed in, ready to talk. “I asked you all here today so I could speak without you saying anything. Because I know that one word from any of you and I will never finish.”

Natasha cleared her throat and sat back. Cori looked at her, seeing her face stern and worried. All the others had the same look and it sent cold sweats down Cori’s back. She breathed in and continued as she looked at her hands. 

“My name is Cori Elysabeth Brandford. My mother’s name was Lili Bergeron and my father’s name was Malcolm Brandford. I was born on September 25th, 1983 in Montreal.” 

When she looked up again, she could see them frowning; they already knew those things about her. Cori didn’t want them to see her any differently than they already did, but she had to go on. She inhaled deeply, a shiver going through her body. 

“I was raised in London by a loving mother, who devoted her life to me.” Cori heard one of the men scoff but kept going. “She taught me to read, to write. We baked cupcakes together. She taught me to tie my shoelaces, to braid my hair. And when I was twelve, I killed her.”


	3. Chapter 3

Cori heard gasps all around the room but knew she couldn’t look at her old friends. She breathed in deeply and continued her story, her voice faint. “I woke up one night, terrified from a nightmare, and went downstairs to find my mother. She’d usually come to my room and she hadn’t this time. I found her in my father’s study, screaming at him that he cheated on her, and my dad was sitting at his desk. She told me to go back upstairs but my father commanded me to go to him. I was afraid of him when he was drinking, so I did as he asked. He sat me on his lap, and he put a gun in my hand,” Cori murmured. She wiped a tear and sniffled. “He wrapped my hands around it, put my index on the trigger, and his over mine. He whispered in my ear that everything would be fine, and he pressed his finger on mine.”

Steve hissed and looked away. Bucky ran his hand in his hair, his eyes wide while Cori grabbed a tissue and wiped her nose. “The gun left a scar on my hand,” she whispered, running her finger over the little white line between her index and thumb. “All I remember is my mother on the floor, blood pouring out of her stomach and me screaming and thrashing on my father’s lap. He took me away to New York and repeated over and over that Mom was dead, that she had died when I was born. At some point, I believed him, and that memory erased all the others. There’s a name for that, I just don’t remember what it is right now.”

“It’s irrelevant anyway, Cori,” Dr. Carter chimed. “Are you alright, do you want to continue?”

“Yes, I do,” Cori breathed out. “The night I was arrested, I was supposed to see Bucky. He was taking me to the theater, but he canceled at the last minute because of the fundraiser at the compound. So, I stayed home and started going through old things of my father’s, things I had never needed before since his estate had been liquidated and it was over and done with. I’d brought them over to the compound, in my apartment after going to his safe. I’d found this large metal box; one I had overlooked before because it looked like a cigar box. He smoked a lot of those,” she explained. 

She picked up her water glass and finished it. She wiped her mouth and saw Tony standing up to refill it. Still, she couldn’t look at him. “I just reached into the box and what I pulled out was a 9mm. The gun. _That_ gun,” she grumbled.

“And that’s when her psyche shifted,” Dr. Carter said. “And the rest, you know.”

“No, they don’t!” Cori cried out. “I grabbed the gun and went outside. I fell on the ground, more than once, because I was barefoot. I walked almost a mile on the pavement, and I broke into the fundraiser from the back door. But I didn’t see Tony, or Pepper, or Bucky. I just… All I wanted to see was him. I asked to see my father… But he’s been dead for years. When nobody moved to find him, I fired. _I fired on innocent people and hurt them!_ ” she yelled. “I was there, but I wasn’t really there. It took me months to remember,” she finished. “ _Now_ , you know the rest.”

Tears were running down on her face and she wiped them, seeing Clint do the same. His eyes were red and puffy. Steve looked floored. Tony had crossed his arms, just as Natasha had, and Bucky looked sickly green. 

“I’m so sorry, Cori,” he whispered.

“ _No! Shut up!_ You have no right, you don’t…” Cori stammered, standing up. “ _You_ of all people don’t get to talk today, I do.” She started pacing around the room as she spoke, breathing heavily. “We have been friends for years. I met you through my work, but we all stuck close, one after the other, as you all got to meet each other after. And what did you do when I needed you? _You abandoned me!_ All of you!” 

She walked up to Bucky, who stood up, and stared straight into his eyes. “You were afraid for your fucking career! I was in jail, scared, lost, and all you could think of was your career! Well, I hope you have a damn nice career now!” she screamed, poking a finger into his shoulder. Bucky stepped back, his mouth agape. “The only one that did anything for me was Tony. You brought me clothes, the strictly necessary,” she said in a softer tone, walking up to her old boss. “Yet you couldn’t be bothered to stay and see me?” she asked, tears rolling down again. “Was I such an embarrassment? A nuisance? I thought you cared about me.”

“Now wait a minute, Cori, we…” Steve interrupted.

“Don’t you start with me, Rogers. None of you could trust that I would never do this in my normal state! I didn’t see any of you in jail, at my trial, or even at the hospital. I went through everything alone, thinking I had somehow disappointed all of you and pushed you away, when in fact, it was all of you that threw me away like garbage because I was the little secret that needed to be hidden. I was lucky I didn’t kill anyone that night, yes, but that didn’t deserve what you did,” she said through gritted teeth. “I will never forgive you for this. Ever. I will go on with my life knowing the truth, dealing with what I did. And none of you will be around to see me get better. Because I sure damn _will_ ,” she spat, nearly out of breath.

“Cori, breathe,” Dr. Carter intervened. “I think you’ve said enough for now. You can have them over here again if you feel it’s necessary, but for now, you’re done.”

Cori didn’t reply, only wiping her tears. She picked up her purse and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Everyone sat still, most of them in shock.

“Is she alright?” Clint asked, wiping his eyes again.

“It’s a little late to ask that, man,” Bucky whispered. “We’re all too late.”

Dr, Carter shifted in her seat, looking at them. “I don’t think she’s remotely done with any of you. She had a lot of pent up anger, I’m sure you realize that. I might call on you again for another session, but don’t stick too close to your phones. She will need some time.”

“Will we ever be allowed to talk to her?” Steve inquired.

“What the hell could we ever say to make up for leaving her stranded like that?” Tony asked.

“I wish I knew, Mr. Stark. Only Cori will be able to tell you that.”

“I hope she does. That girl is alone in this world. She doesn’t have much family, except Pepper,” Natasha said. “We were her family and we let her down.”

“But we did try to see her! I went to the hospital, Tony did, Clint did. Bucky called, so did Nat. But we weren’t allowed,” Steve explained, looking at Dr. Carter.

Dr. Carter sighed. “I know you did. It was over my head. There’s a limit to what I can do with bureaucracy. The only decision I made was not to tell her that you had come around because, at that time, I feared for her mental stability. She was barely starting to open up. I couldn’t take the chance to have her relapse. For that, you will have to forgive me.”

“She thinks we _did_ completely abandon her. She has every right to be angry. We have… I have…” Bucky stammered, shaking his head. “She _has_ to let us talk to her.”

“Then for your sake as much as hers, I hope she does let you,” Dr. Carter let out. Still, she was unsure if Cori would be open to the possibility. “In any case, thank you for coming today.”

Everyone left and Dr. Carter picked up her phone, dialing a well-known number. When it answered, she said, “Miss Potts? Perhaps it’s time to let Cori know what you’ve been doing. I think she’ll need a friend after today’s session.”

Cori jumped into a cab and went straight home. She had called off work that morning, knowing that the day would be rough but didn’t expect to come home shattered into little pieces. She dropped her keys in the bowl on the side table, kicked off her shoes, and slumped on the sofa, her shoulders shaking from the sobs coming out of her. Being able to talk to, or yell at her old friends had been therapeutic, but it didn’t make her feel any better. Seeing their faces full of concern only destabilized her more than she thought, and she knew she’d soon enough call Dr. Carter again.

Cori laid down on the couch, bunching up the pillow under her head, wiping her tears. Just at that moment, Goose came and sat in front of her on the coffee table. “You know you’re not allowed on the table, you little rascal,” she scolded him.

“Meow.”

She smiled. At least, the cat knew how to reply. She reached and scratched his head, then the side of his mouth, and the tabby cat jumped on her, curling up on her stomach. She petted him while he purred away, thinking back to the session. 

She had said everything she wanted to say, maybe not in the best way, but she had. It had been almost two years since she had seen them, friends she had started calling family. Their last real moment together had been at a belated Christmas party a week before everything had gone to hell. Cori wondered how they were doing, what was new in their lives, but she wasn’t ready to let them in. Not now, and she didn’t know if she ever could again. They had broken the link that held them together, the inherent trust she had put in them.

She had met Steve first, a year after she had started working at Stark Industries. He had come in for an interview about an IT position and they had hit it off pretty quickly. They would see each other as much as their schedules allowed but slowly, Steve’s had grown busier, with his new tasks.

Nat and Clint had come into her life at the same time when they had come to do business with Tony. Nat’s company had been hired for security and Clint was Tony’s personal private investigator. Cori had been promoted to assistant coordinator at that time and had spent a whole afternoon with them, taking notes about their respective companies.

She had ended up almost rolling under the table, drunk on Jamison, after a drinking game gone wild after dinner, Clint intent on seeing how tough she was, since Cori kept on bragging she could sustain alcohol well. Over time, she had become very close to Clint, his sensitive side appealing to her.

That was until she met Bucky. He had completely turned her world upside down with his smile and natural charm. He had come on board through Natasha’s company and become Tony’s personal bodyguard.

From that moment on, Bucky had been a constant presence in her life, and they saw each other as much as they could. It wasn’t far-fetched that Cori had fallen for him. But by the time she had truly realized her feelings, his life had gotten busier. He wasn’t around as much, and she hadn’t had the chance to tell him about her feelings until that fateful night.

Tony was at the helm of them all, being center of their universe, in a way. He was her boss, her friend, and technically family since he’d married her cousin Pepper.

Cori knew that now, all of them hung out together on occasion, mostly because of her. It made her smile to know that all her friends had come together, but her smile turned sour when she remembered how they hadn’t been there for her at the moment she needed them the most. A few more tears escaped her eyes and she wiped them, then continued on petting Goose, who was sound asleep. “We’ll get there, little rascal. I’ll find my way,” she whispered.

Her phone dinged as she gently rubbed Goose’s nose. When she picked up the device, she saw a number she hadn’t seen in forever; Pepper’s number.

**_~~Hi, Cori. I know you might not want to hear from me, but I thought I should let you know that I’ve been in the loop of what’s going on. Since I’m your next-of-kin, I’m in possession of some of your things...and honestly, I just want to extend an olive branch. I’m sorry I haven’t been there as much as I should. I’m hoping we can start over? Take your time with this. If you don’t answer, I’ll understand._ **

Cori breathed in deeply. She had an inkling somebody had taken care of her things while she was away, and for some reason, thought Pepper was behind it all. Somehow, it soothed her anger to know that her cousin had kept up with her. She answered slowly.

_~~Hi, cousin. I’m glad to hear from you. Might not be ready to talk just yet, but I appreciate you reaching out._

At the compound, Pepper was more than relieved to see a reply and typed quickly. 

**_~~Thank you so much for answering. I’ll go at your pace. Just know I’m here and I love you._ **

Cori smiled at the reply. Perhaps she had already taken a new step forward.

It took about a week for Cori to finally get her bearings back, reigning in panic attacks on a daily basis. Wanda had been more than comprehensive, letting her take long breaks at work, but Cori compensated by taking on extra shifts, so Pietro and the other employees couldn’t complain she was getting favors. She loved her job way too much to let it slip away. She had even started poking Wanda about learning the ropes of baking to work in the kitchen eventually. For some reason, she liked to be in charge and if she had control over her professional life, it could compensate for her rocky personal life.

Her routine was the same every day, keeping her grounded and calm. She brewed tea as she got up in the morning while preparing her lunch, then got dressed, and pedaled to work. After her workday, it was the same in reverse; biking home, cooking dinner, showering, reading, and getting to bed early. She realized that keeping the same habits comforted her, and Dr. Carter agreed that it was the best for her. 

Her weekly sessions were better as well, and the psychiatrist had weaned down her medication a little and that made Cori happy. She liked being able to concentrate more and not get headaches so regularly. Still, Dr. Carter had told her she needed to have another session with the men, this time to let them say their piece, and Cori knew she’d have to let them talk at some point but didn’t push it.

On a Monday afternoon when Cori was alone at Sweet Gems of Europe while Pietro was out for a delivery and Wanda was done for the day, the bell above the door rang out and Cori felt a shiver down her back as if she feared doom. She lifted her head from the paperwork she was working on, only to see those eyes she knew so well. 

Bucky was standing by the door, his palms raised. “I needed to see you, Cori. I know you don’t want to see me, and I understand that. I just want to apologize again,” he murmured, his eyes fixed on her. “I hope you can talk to me again someday, so I can make up for being such an ass and a lame friend to you.”

Cori sucked in a breath. Bucky had changed since the last time she had seen him, and she hadn’t even noticed in Dr. Carter's office. His hair was longer, and he’d grown a stubble. She didn’t reply to him, only stared. Even if she had wanted to, she didn’t know what to say. All she could hear was her heart thundering in her chest and the sound of her breath quickening as she stared at him, anger coursing through her veins again.

“I’ll go now, I just… I’ll go, Cori. I’m so sorry,” Bucky said, his voice strangled. He looked at her, tears pooling in his eyes, and turned away, wiping one that had escaped, leaving the shop. 

Cori slowly sat down, her whole body trembling. She breathed in and out slowly, her hand pressed on her forehead. She swallowed hard, then made a quick run to the back store, grabbing her phone. Dr. Carter was on speed dial, so she managed to talk to her quickly. “Hi, Dr. Carter. That other session, with all of them? I think I need it soon.”


	4. Chapter 4

Cori spent the morning at the DMV, filling up paperwork to get her license back. Fortunately for her, the exam was easy, and she quickly remembered the different answers. She passed her road test with flying colors and by lunchtime, she had her temporary permit until she was sent the full license with her picture. To relax before her appointment, she went for a ride in the streets of Queens, spotting little shops she wanted to visit eventually. 

She stopped at an Italian café to eat lunch, knowing she probably wouldn’t be hungry by the time she got home for dinner. Dr. Carter had scheduled an open session a few days after her call, sensing Cori’s distress over the phone. 

This time, Cori had a regular session before the others were to arrive, to ground herself, and prepare for what was to come. The psychiatrist knew that what they had to say would probably shake Cori and she wanted to make sure her patient didn’t feel stranded during the session.

When two o’clock came, the phone intercom buzzed, the secretary announcing the men’s arrival. Cori sucked in a breath and instantly felt Dr. Carter’s hand over hers. “It’ll be alright, Cori. You’re safe here,” she said.

One by one, Tony, Steve, Nat, Clint, and Bucky came in, sitting in the chairs once again put in a half-circle. They all looked nervous, Bucky the most, and Cori swallowed hard, smoothing out her skirt as she looked down.

“First of all, thank you for accepting this second session with Cori. This time, it will be a little different. The same rules apply, although you will be allowed to speak. I do have some things to put on the table, things that Cori needs to know before you each say what you need to say,” Dr. Carter said. She turned in her chair to face Cori. “Cori, the last time these people were here, you yelled at them that they had completely abandoned you. The thing is, they had not.”

Cori tried to speak but Dr. Carter’s hand raised up. “Let me finish. The truth is, they all tried to get in touch with you and none of them succeeded because of your sentence. At the time you received it, you were not completely sound of mind, so you might not have realized it. Your sentence specified no outside contact unless significant improvement was seen. And when they tried to reach out, you had not begun therapy; you were still unresponsive. So, the hospital board made the decision to cut all ties with the outside world. My hands were tied.”

Cori clenched her jaw and breathed in. “You couldn’t tell me this before?”

“It wasn’t relevant until now. You accused your friends of abandoning you. But they did try.”

“Not enough,” Cori muttered. “They were my family,” she added.

“We still are, hun,” Clint said, his voice wavering. “I’m so very sorry about everything that has happened to you. I wish I could go back in time and act differently, but I can’t. I hope you can allow me back into your life so I can make up for it.”

Cori didn’t reply but looked at him, seeing his eyes full of tears. She shrugged and looked down at her hands. 

“Sweetie, I can’t say I understand what you’ve been through, because I don’t. But I’m here today, reaching out. You can lay some of the burden on me. I want to be there for you.” Natasha added. “I’m so sorry I failed you. If I could go back in time, I would fight harder to be able to see you.”

With one glance, Cori knew she was sincere. 

Steve stood and came up to kneel in front of her. He had to refrain himself from touching her hands, so he put his on the armrests of her chair. “You know, sweetheart, you can’t hate me more than I hate myself in this whole situation,” he said, his voice strangled. “But I’m here, and I want to be here, every step of the way for you, Cori,” he whispered, his blue eyes glistening. “Please forgive me for not being the friend you deserved.”

Cori sucked in a breath and held back from grazing his cheek, though she wanted to; a natural reflex she had always had with him. He stood back up but held her gaze as he went to sit back down. 

Tony cleared his throat and put his elbows on his knees, running his hand through his graying hair. “You know I tried to see you, Cori, I really did. But they wouldn’t let me do more than I did, and… I was away so much. It’s not an excuse, I know, I should’ve tried harder. I just want the chance to make it up to you, somehow,” he explained, swallowing hard.

Cori nodded, sniffling, and she grabbed her glass of water, almost emptying it. She cleared her throat and looked up. Bucky was on the edge of his chair, wringing his hands. She saw he was shaking but still couldn’t feel any empathy for him, and she wondered if she ever could again. The anger she felt toward him was still as strong as before.

He stood and began pacing around, his hand rubbing his stubble. He inhaled sharply and stopped in front of Cori. “Can you look at me? Please?” he asked. When Cori didn’t move, he did the same as Steve and knelt in front of her, sitting back on his heels. He reached to take her hand, but Cori pulled away.

“Don’t touch me,” she snarled. She sunk back in her chair and stared at him; her eyes narrowed.

Bucky shook his head, sighing. “I have such a long way to go with you, Cori, but wherever you turn, whenever you’ll need someone, I’ll be there. I’ve failed you.”

“Failed me?” Cori laughed wryly. “You didn’t just fail me; you destroyed a part of me. I trusted you more than anyone else. I was closer to you than anyone in this room.”

“I know, Cori, I know,” Bucky whispered. “I’m in no place to ask anything right now, but I will anyway. I want you to be open to the possibility of talking to me. Not here, not with everyone around, just us. And when you’re less angry with me.”

She shook her head, in disbelief of what she heard. “You might wait a while, Bucky. I’ve been angry with you for almost two years. And every time I see you, it’s not waning down. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to talk to you without wanting you to hurt like I hurt.”

“Then hurt me. I deserve it. If it makes you feel better and if it can help you. If it can bring you closer to forgive me. Because it’s all I can ask, Cori. I can only ask for your forgiveness.”

All she wanted to do was scream at that point, but she bit her lip as she wiped a tear. She looked at Dr. Carter and the woman pressed her hand on hers. 

“Do you have anything more you’d like to say, Cori?”

“I don’t know…” Cori murmured as she saw Bucky sitting back down.

“Take your time, we’re here for you,” Dr. Carter stated.

Cori breathed in and out and grabbed her wrist, turning her bracelet. “I appreciate that you all came here again today. Knowing what I know now, I can begin to see things differently, but right now, it doesn’t make me any less angry and disappointed in all of you,” she explained. She took the time to look at them, one by one, but Bucky couldn’t hold her gaze. “I can only add that I’m willing to...work on our relationships, but at my pace. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get in touch with you, but I will. I promise I will. I just need space.”

All of them nodded, and Cori heard Clint sigh with a refrained sob. Dr. Carter spoke up again, thanking them individually for their presence. They stood, putting on their jackets and left one by one after waving at Cori. Clint was the last to leave and Cori sucked in a breath when she saw his face. She stood up and ran to the door, wrapping her arms around him. He was stunned and almost stepped back, but at the last second, he closed his arms around Cori, hugging her tightly. When she let go, tears were rolling on her face. Clint tilted her chin up and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be patient, hun. And I’ll be here,” he whispered.

Cori smiled shyly and stepped back, watching him leave. She turned to Dr. Carter, expecting to be berated because she had broken a rule, but the woman was smiling. “Baby steps, Cori. You just went through the first one.”

“Which one was that?”

“You allowed physical contact. It was just a hug, but it’s a start. It’ll show your friends you’re open to dialogue.”

Cori nodded as she picked up her purse. “I guess it’s one of many then because I don’t see myself hugging all of them any time soon.”

“Quite obvious. But this will go at your pace, no one else’s,” Dr. Carter declared. “I’ll see you next week, same time?”

“I’ll be here,” Cori said as she left the office. She looked out the window to make sure they were all gone before going to her car.

When she sat in it, she texted Pepper.

_~~Hi, cousin. Just wanted to tell you I had a session with the guys again, as I’m sure Tony told you. It went okay…except with Bucky. But you know…_

Pepper replied quickly.

~ **~I know, yes. How are you after this?**

_~~I’m okay. A bit tired, as usual after every session. I was wondering if I could get some of my things back. I think...I think I’d be ready to see you._

At the compound, butterflies fluttered in Pepper’s stomach. She replied as fast as she could.

**~~Name your time and place, I’ll be there.**

_~~How about you come to my place. You can meet my kitty and I don’t have to move that much. Would tomorrow be too fast? For lunch or dinner?_

Pepper smiled softly and said, “That’s my girl.”

**~~I’ll be there for lunch. I’ll bring it even. Sakana’s for us.**

The next day, Cori started watching through the window early, anticipating this new arrival. She hadn’t seen Pepper in a long time but knowing that while she was hospitalized, someone cared for her in some form made her feel better.

At noon, Pepper parked in the driveway and brought out lunch while Cori opened the door, Goose peaking his nose out. The women stared at each other for a moment until Cori burst out in tears. Pepper put her bag down and wrapped her arms around her cousin. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe with me, I promise.”

Cori sniffled. “I know. Just emotional to see you, I guess. I feel like you’re the only one that cared about me through all this.”

“You’re wrong about that but that’s now what I’m here for. Let’s eat and chat. Then we’ll get your things from my car.

For the next few hours, they chatted about everything and nothing, keeping things light until Cori began talking about her ordeal. “I have questions, Pepper. There are things that are sometimes still fuzzy.”

“Sure, go ahead,” Pepper said as she sipped her tea.

“The people I injured… I know they’re okay, but did we lose them as donators? What I did was scary, terrible, and I’m sure it might have caused issues with the company. What about the others?”

Pepper inhaled deeply. “We met with everyone about this and explained the situation to the best of our knowledge at the time. You know how much mental health means to Tony.”

Cori knew of his anxiety issues and occasional panic attacks. “Yeah, I remember. So, that’s what you said?”

“Yes. Everyone was understanding enough to not withdraw their donations. So, please, don’t worry about it.”

With a nod, Cori hummed. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Did you think I’d gone crazy?”

“Oh, Cori, no.” Pepper cupped Cori’s face. “I never thought that one second. I had a feeling something happened when you called out Uncle Malcolm’s name. And your eyes… I just… I knew something was wrong. I’m only sorry I couldn’t help you more.”

Cori put her hand over Pepper’s. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.”

November went by quickly. Cori spent Thanksgiving with the Maximoffs, though they didn’t celebrate either. Together, they celebrated an anti-Thanksgiving, baking European delicacies, a roast, and tons of desserts. 

December and the holidays came around. The usual rush of orders ended around the 20th of December, and after that, Cori was off work for the rest of the holidays, as the bakery closed for a bit.

She decorated her house a bit like her mother used to; a wreath on the door, lights in the windows. She didn’t bother putting up a tree since Goose kept knocking her plants over. Instead, she hung tinsel around the bookcase and door frames. Still, the cat kept pouncing at the tips, making Cori laugh every time. 

During her Christmas break, Cori bought a television set and decided on starting to watch some of the movies and TV series she had missed while she was in the hospital. Her first pick was Seinfeld, a series she knew Clint had enjoyed. She still didn’t get the raving reviews after a few episodes but gave it a try for him

On Christmas Eve, she sat comfortably, popcorn on one side, Goose on the other. Upon seeing Kramer slide in the room, as usual, she laughed, seeing his hair so fluffy and curly. Still, she didn’t see what Clint saw.

She picked up her phone and quickly found his number. She hesitated at first, then opted to send him a text message.

_~~So, I’m finally watching Seinfeld. Are you kidding me with that show?_

On the other side of town, Clint was sipping champagne, smiling at his mother, when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He found it quickly and staggered, his mouth agape. He had to sit down, completely taken aback to get a text from Cori. He replied quickly.

**_~~I’m so happy to hear from you, hun. Are you enjoying the show?_ **

Cori smiled when she received his reply, answering just as quickly.

_~~I’ve only just started but so far, I don’t get it. I don’t see what you see, I guess._

Clint grinned, then typed fast. 

**_~~Well, you tried. Next time, I’ll give How I Met Your Mother a try. What are you doing watching the show on Christmas Eve? You should be celebrating. Would you like to join us? I’m with my parents and some family. You’re more than welcome to join us._ **

Cori pondered for a moment, a flash of anxiety suddenly rising. She breathed in and out, then sent her reply.

_~~Thank you, but no. I’m not ready, not yet. Send my love to your parents and have fun. Merry Christmas, Clint. xoxo_

Clint was saddened by her refusal but didn’t push the matter any further. He was comforted by the fact that Cori was watching Seinfeld, but a bit upset that she was alone for the holidays. Still, he would respect her wishes and wait for another sign of life.

Cori shut off her phone after replying to Clint and sunk further on the sofa, Goose purring away. She kept on watching Seinfeld well until midnight when she heard the church bells ringing. She petted the tabby cat, scratching his head. “Merry Christmas, Goose.”


	5. Chapter 5

As the new year began, Cori took some more time off work, since the bakery was closed to allow Wanda and Pietro to go home and see their family. During this time, Cori decided to fly to Montreal to visit her mother’s grave. It was at the last minute she had realized that it was winter there and she might have difficulty getting to it with the snow, but thankfully, it had been a mild winter up until now, according to the travel agent.

Cori was nervous as she sat in her first-class seat. She hadn’t flown in years, and knowing she would be seeing her mother’s grave, in a way, scared her. She did her breathing exercises as Dr. Carter taught her, then ordered a decaffeinated tea.

As she finally settled after putting her phone away and grabbing her book, she saw a familiar silhouette in the corner of her eye.

“Cori. Hi, sweetheart.”

Steve was standing in the aisle, his carry-on his hand, a winter coat in the other. Cori sucked in a breath, a shiver going through her body. She smiled sheepishly and waved.

“Would you rather I sit somewhere else? I’ve been assigned to this seat,” he said, indicating the seat beside her. “There’s a few empty ones around.”

“No, it’s okay. You can sit,” Cori murmured. She looked at him while he put his bag and coat away, realizing suddenly how much she missed him. He was her oldest friend, the one that knew the most about her. He slowly sat, then looked at her. 

“I’m not sure what to say,” he breathed out, rubbing his stubble. 

Cori smiled and reached out, her fingertips grazing the back of his hand. “Me neither,” she replied, turning toward him. “Hi,” she whispered.

Steve grinned and turned his hand, capturing her fingers with it. “I’ve missed you, sweetheart. How are you?” he asked.

“Mainly alright. It’s a process, I guess. These days, I’m nervous but I’ll be alright.”

“Why are you going to Montreal? Or is that a stopover?”

“I’m going to Montreal. I want to visit my mother. I have...things to say,” Cori murmured.

He squeezed her hand a little but had to let go to buckle his seatbelt as the signaling light turned on. Cori groaned and closed her eyes as the plane started moving, rolling fast on the tarmac. 

“I didn’t miss this,” she hissed as the pressure got to her.

Steve grabbed her hand, locking his fingers with hers. “Squeeze as hard as you need, sweetheart. I’m right here, you’ll be fine.”

Cori whimpered, squeezing Steve’s hand as hard as she could, breathing in and out. It was only when the plane was at cruising speed that she finally relaxed, unbuckling her seatbelt and hugging her knees to her chest. “Talk to me,” she whispered.

He was slightly startled by her demand but was happy to oblige, seeing her open to discussion. “What would you like me to tell you about?” he asked.

“Why are you going to Montreal?”

“I’m going to meet with another computer genius so he might join Stark Industries. Tony asked me to see his work and so on. He couldn’t do it himself.”

“How is Tony?”

Steve unbuckled his seatbelt as well and sat cross-legged, making Cori smile as she pressed her chin on her knees. “He’s good. Misses you. But that’s neither here nor there for now.”

Cori nodded and remained silent for a few minutes. She then looked up at Steve, staring straight into his blue eyes. “Did you really come to the hospital?” she blurted out.

“I did, sweetheart,” Steve sighed. “For a whole week, I went every day. I tried to get friendly with the security guard, flashed my best smile to a nurse. I even turned on the charm with Mabel, nothing worked.”

“Mabel?” Cori whispered as she remembered the short chubby receptionist. 

“Oh, yes! She offered me Werther’s on her desk every time. I think she was trying to fatten me up. You know how I love my gym time.”

Cori laughed out loud, her eyes sparkling. “You really _did_ try to visit me,” she murmured.

Steve pressed his forehead to hers and sighed. “Of course, I did, sweetheart. I was away during the trial, but I wanted to be there so much. I couldn’t even get in touch with you and it killed me. I will never, ever let you down again,” he murmured as he wiped a tear that rolled down Cori’s cheek. “You can always count on me, I promise.”

She nodded and smiled shyly, then turned back in her seat. She raised the armrest, putting it between the seats, and leaned on her side, Steve welcoming her into his arms. She nestled against his chest and fell asleep quickly, feeling safe.

Cori woke up as the plane was starting its landing maneuvers and she had to sit back up, buckling her seat belt. Steve grinned and grazed her cheek. “You have my shirt stamped on your face, sweetheart.”

She reached up and felt the creases on her face, smiling as she did. “Well, you’re still comfortable,” she replied. She gripped the armrest again, as the plane started to descend, and again, Steve slipped his hand over hers. She turned to him; her eyes wide. “Will you come with me? To the cemetery? I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do it alone,” she breathed out.

“I will, Cori. I told you I’d be there for every step. I can clear my schedule, that guy can wait,” he assured her. “Every step of the way, sweetheart.,” he repeated.

Cori knew at that moment that she could count on him, now and every day after, yet was still unable to say those words she knew he wanted to hear.

It was a mild afternoon and light snow was falling over Montreal. Mont-Royal Cemetery looked like a postcard, with trees heavy with snow and walkways cleared of any ice. Cori clutched the flowers in her hand, the other holding Steve’s hand as he walked by her side. The caretaker had given them directions, and easy enough, they found Lili’s gravesite. 

Cori breathed in deeply, already struggling with her emotions. Steve went before her and cleared snow off of the marble stone, then at its foot. He wrapped his arm around Cori’s shoulders, kissing her temple. “Take your time, sweetheart,” he breathed out as he stepped back.

A silent sob escaped her lips and Cori walked up to the stone, crouching down in front of it. She put the bouquet of lilies over the base, and with her gloved hand, she traced the letters and numbers on the marble, hot tears rolling on her cheeks. “Hi, Mom. I’m home,” she said in a strangled voice. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here before. I’m sorry...so sorry, Mama.”

She pressed her forehead on the cold stone, sobbing loudly, her hand balled into a fist. “I didn’t know, Mom, I didn’t remember. I didn’t want to… I didn’t mean to forget,” she said tearfully. “I loved you so much and I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, Mama,” she hiccupped. She slammed her fist on the stone, over and over, ignoring the pain it was causing her. “He made me do it. He forced me.”

Cori slumped to the ground, her knees getting damp on the snow. She curled up in a ball, leaning on the stone. “I’m sorry, Mama, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she murmured over and over, tears flowing out of her eyes. “Please forgive me, please, Mom! _Please_!” she cried out. 

Steve stood still, his heart aching as he watched Cori crying, and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He crouched down beside her and gathered her in his arms. Cori naturally wrapped her arms around his shoulders, crying even more. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” she repeated over and over.

“Cori, she knows. She knows it wasn’t your fault. I’m sure she sees you and that she’s with you,” Steve whispered in her ear. He kissed her temple and hugged her tighter. “She wouldn’t want you blaming yourself because it wasn’t your fault, sweetheart.”

Hearing Steve say that only made Cori cry harder, whimpering against his chest. She stayed silent for a long time, waiting for an answer her mother would never provide. When she started trembling against him, Steve moved up, swooping Cori into his arms. “We should go, Cori, it’s getting cold.”

She nodded into his neck, sniffling. As he turned away, Cori struggled to free herself and Steve let her down. She ran back to the headstone and pressed her forehead on it again. “I love you, Mama,” she whispered through her tears.

Steve came up behind her, his hands on her shoulders and she went to him again. He picked her up and carried her to the cab that was waiting for them. He did the same when they arrived at the hotel. He removed her coat and boots, then her gloves and scarf. Her hands were freezing, so he rubbed them between his, blowing on them. He reached for the hotel phone and ordered a bottle of Jameson to be brought up. “We need to get you warm, sweetheart,” Steve said, now rubbing her arms gently.

Cori scooted back on the bed when someone knocked on the door. She wrapped herself in the comforter while Steve poured a lick of whiskey in a glass and handed it to her. “I know you’re not allowed to drink much, but a little can’t hurt you.”

“It’s fine,” she said, wrapping her hands around the glass. She sipped slowly, letting the alcohol warm her up. 

Steve sat by her side, worried. She nudged him with her foot. “Thank you for coming with me,” she whispered.

“You don’t need to thank me, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” he said. He stood and removed his boots, then laid down beside Cori on the bed. She nestled against him, laying her head on his chest.

“Can you stay until I’m asleep?” she asked in a murmur.

Steve replied by wrapping his arms around her and pulling up the comforter over them. He didn’t speak, only listened to her breathing slowly. “Are you still awake, sweetheart?” he asked, unable to keep quiet anymore.

“Hmm yeah. I’m getting hungry, I can’t sleep.”

“We’ll order in a minute. I just need to ask you something. But you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Cori’s brow furrowed as she pushed herself up, her hand on Steve’s chest. “What is it?” she asked, seeing his blue eyes stormy.

“Will you ever forgive me for not being there for you when you needed it?” Steve whispered, too choked up to speak louder.

“You’re here now, Steve. I can’t keep living in the past,” Cori said as she ran her fingers along his light stubble. “I forgave you on the plane when you talked about Mabel. Then I knew you had really tried to be there for me.”

Steve sighed loudly, closing his eyes. “Thank God,” he muttered. He opened his eyes again, staring at her. “I couldn’t bear to lose you a second time. You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and you mean the world to me.”

Cori smiled gently and sat up. “Then pay for dinner.”

He burst out laughing, his hand on his chest. “Alright, sweetheart. The usual?”

“You bet your ass I want steak and fries! And ketchup!” Cori replied happily, making him grin.

They spent a quiet dinner, then watched yet another movie she had missed. Cori enjoyed it greatly but the second the credits rolled, she fell asleep, snoring softly in the pillows. Steve pulled up the comforter over her, letting her rest, and he put another movie on for himself, sitting on the sofa.

It was Cori whimpering and thrashing on the bed a little later on that alarmed him. She had kicked away the covers, her bare feet pushing them off the bed. He turned off the television and went to her, pressing his hand on her shoulder. Her whimpers turned into screams, her face damp with tears.

“NO! Daddy, no!!” she cried out, her hands grabbing the comforter. “Please, Mama, please be okay. _Mamaaa!_!”

Steve put both hands on her shoulders, shaking her gently. “Cori, wake up. Wake up,” he murmured. 

Still, Cori struggled, her fists flying up in the air. Steve grabbed them and brought them down slowly so she wouldn’t hurt herself. He grazed her cheek, wiping her tears away. “It’s just a dream, sweetheart, wake up.”

Cori sucked in a breath, let out a scream, and opened her eyes, seeing a silhouette. She tried to break free but the hold on her was too strong. She heard a familiar voice telling her to wake up. “Steve?” she asked, her voice hoarse.

“I’m right here, you’re safe,” he whispered.

Her eyes fluttered and she was finally able to focus, seeing him hovering, his face full of worry. She lunged at him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, holding on for dear life. “He was there… I could hear him telling me to do it,” she cried, her face buried in his neck. “Then Mom was on the ground.”

“It’s over now, you’re safe, sweetheart,” Steve said softly, his hand gently running over her hair. 

Still, Cori didn’t let go, squeezing him tighter and tighter. It took a while for her to release her grip and when he tried to lay her back down, she drew him in. “Please don’t go.” She reached up, pressed her lips to his, trying to shove her tongue in his mouth. Steve pulled away, his hands gripping her arms, but she wrapped her hands around his neck. “Please, Steve. I need you,” she begged, her lip quivering.

“Oh, Cori, I’m not sure this is a good idea,” he said, shaking his head.

“Steve, please,” she hiccupped, tears pooling in her eyes again. “I need to feel something other than pain; I need to feel alive. Please!”

Steve cupped her cheek, his thumb running over her lips. “Are you sure, sweetheart?” he whispered.

She drew him in again, looking into his eyes. “I am. Please, Steve.”

He leaned down and kissed her slowly as his hands ran along her arms, then her sides. He hauled up her tank top, baring her to him, but still, kept his hands on her hips as he straddled her. He took her time, tasting her mouth slowly, his lips running down her neck before he suckled on her nipple. He did the same with the other while she ran her hands in his hair, digging her nails in his scalp. Steve looked up and saw Cori’s eyes fluttering, making him smile, and he continued lower, kissing her belly. He hooked his fingers alongside her leggings and panties, pulling them down all at once. He removed his own t-shirt then hovered over Cori. “Are you still sure?” he asked, his gaze locked with hers. 

Cori nodded, biting her lip, and ran her hands over his sculpted stomach, gripping his belt. “Please,” she whispered.

Steve scooted back and knelt between her legs, leaning down. He kissed her stomach again, then her mound. She groaned, her hands gripping the sheet. He spread her legs open slowly, raising them just enough to angle her, and kissed her thighs slowly up to her slit. He found it wet, making him grunt. He licked it, making Cori moan, her hips rolling slowly. Taking his time was paramount, he knew that, so he licked her folds, teased her pulsating clit, flicking it with the tip of his tongue. Cori couldn’t wait anymore. She gripped his head, pressing it harder against her core. Steve understood and shoved his tongue deep inside her, his nose rubbing on her nub. 

“Oh my… Oh, fuck!” Cori breathed out. “Please, Steve, I need more,” she pleaded.

He raised himself up and slipped off the bed to remove the rest of his clothes. He then lay beside Cori, his hand running down her stomach to cup her sex. He pushed a finger in, then another, pumping slowly, his thumb circling rubbing her clit. “How long has it been, sweetheart?” he murmured.

“I… oh God! Years… Over two years,” she breathed out, her eyes clamped shut. She slipped her arm around his back, her nails digging in his flesh, while Steve leaned over, capturing her nipple in his mouth again. 

He suckled on it, upping the pace of his fingers, then adding a third finger inside of her. Cori groaned, feeling her insides clench around his fingers. She gripped his hand, trying to push it further in. “Please, Steve,” she whined, her head digging in the pillow.

Steve finally complied. He had waited, making sure it was really what she wanted and that she was ready for him. He removed his boxer briefs, stroked himself a few times, then knelt between Cori’s legs again. She hitched a breath when he placed himself at her entrance, looking into his eyes. 

His free hand found hers and he locked his fingers with Cori’s as he slowly pushed himself in. He hissed as he felt how tight she was, though relieved he had touched her before to get her ready after such a long time. He watched her reactions, looking for signs of pain in her face but didn’t find any. When he was completely in, he stilled, leaned over, and braced himself by her side with his free arm.

Cori’s breath was quick, her legs trembling against him, and she raised them up, wrapping them around his waist. He started moving inside of her, sending pleasure through her body. She gripped her hand on his hip while Steve thrust slowly, but even then, she knew she wouldn’t last. It had been too long, and she was too aroused to wait. She reached between her legs, stroking her swollen nub, feeling her insides clench.

Steve groaned and hissed, his head thrown back. “You feel so good, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But I’m never going to last.”

“Me neither. Please, Steve, make me come. Please!”

He let go of her hand and leaned down, bracing both arms on either side of Cori’s head, staring right into her eyes. He thrust a little faster while she rubbed her clit. He could feel her body responding to him as she tried to arch her back. “Look at me, Cori. Come for me,” he murmured, kissing her slowly.

Cori cried out in his mouth, her orgasm tearing through her body, her thighs trying to close around him. Steve groaned and tried to pull out, but Cori milked him hard and he spilled deep within her, hissing as she continued clenching. He collapsed over her, rolling to his side as he drew her in. “Shit, Cori, you’re amazing. But… We didn’t use protection.”

“I got the Depo shot,” Cori said, panting softly. “Women have to when they’re in Bellevue. I kept having it after. I haven’t been with anyone since Jack.”

“That was years ago.” Steve scoffed. 

“Yeah, it was,” she replied, rolling to her side to face him. “Thank you,” she whispered, kissing his shoulder. “I needed this.”

“I told you, sweetheart, I’m here for you. I mean, this is different than what I thought you would need, but I’m here, nonetheless. I just don’t want things to change between us,” Steve said as he turned to face her.

“It’s up to us. I don’t plan on marrying you and having the white picket fence house, Meatball. But I plan on having you as a friend for a very long time.”

He smiled, hearing Cori call him by the old nickname she had given him, and in that instant, knew he had found his friend again. He reached out and pulled the sheet over them, his hand resting on her shoulder. “I want the same. We just have to make sure it isn’t awkward later on.”

“Dude, if you ever get awkward around me, I’ll rip your balls with my nails.”

Steve laughed out loud and kissed Cori’s forehead. He leaned down to find her gaze. “There you are, friend. I’ve missed you,” he whispered with a smile.


	6. Chapter 6

Cori spent a few days holed up in her hotel room, getting reacquainted with Steve. They watched some movies, throwing popcorn around. He went on supplies expeditions while she researched some legal information online. They hadn’t brought sex back on the table since it was clear for them it was a one-time thing, in a moment of need. Their relationship was getting back to how it had been before hell had broken loose.

After the third day of the movie marathon, Cori peeked her nose out to meet with a detective from the police force. She wanted to know details of what had happened after her mother’s death. She also called Dr. Carter to keep her updated and the psychiatrist remained available for her. 

As she walked to the police headquarters, Cori gripped Steve’s hand a little harder. He smiled and wrapped his arm around her waist, drawing her in. “It’ll be alright. You have dealt with it; they can’t arrest you for this. You’re putting this part of your life to rest today,” he said as he kissed her temple.

“I hope so.” Cori shivered. Even with her winter coat, she could feel the cold spreading to her bones. She was glad to have Steve by her side as she was getting through this.

Detective Pascal listened to her story very closely, never interrupting, only taking notes. Cori wrung her hands as she spoke while Steve rubbed her back gently, encouraging her to continue when she’d stumble on her words. She left nothing out, from the night when she was twelve years old, to the events leading up to her arrest. 

The detective cleared his throat when Cori was done, leaning back on her chair. He tapped his pen on his notepad and sighed. “Well, this is quite the story. I wasn’t on the force back then, but some other detectives here were. I’ll have to consult them and also consult with the NYPD. As far as I know, no accusations can be made, as this case was seemingly closed long ago. But I will look into it and keep you posted as soon as possible, Ms. Brandford.”

Cori nodded and shook the detective’s hand. She gave him her information and left quickly, the thick air of the headquarters getting to her. She breathed in and out many times when she was outside, the cold winter air refreshing her, and Steve was rapidly by her side.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

“Yeah… I’m okay. I just… I didn’t want to get a panic attack in there.” She sighed. “I want to put it all behind me, but this needs to be done.” She looked up, seeing Steve was frowning. “Can I go home now?”

“You sure can. I’ll take you to the airport myself and when I’m back home, we’ll be seeing each other. Unless you’ve changed your mind,” Steve replied, his voice tense.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Meatball,” Cori said with a smile.

As she settled back into her daily routine once she was home, Cori decided to take another step into healing by contacting Natasha. Things had gone well between Steve and her, and Cori was hopeful it would be the same with Natasha. She didn’t know her schedule or where she was in the world but wanted to try anyway. 

By the middle of February, she had mustered up the courage to send her a small text message.

_~~Hi, Nat. I just wanted to say hello… Just throwing a line here, taking another step. xoxo_

All the way across town at her office, Natasha got the message and her face lit up when she saw who it was from. She quickly replied, glad that Cori hadn’t given up on her.

**_~~Oh sweetie, you’ve made my day, sending me a message. I hope you’re doing well. Steve told me you had gone to see your mother. Are you okay?_ **

Cori was startled when her phone chimed back so fast but smiled as she saw Natasha had replied.

_~~ :) I’m alright. One day at a time. I haven’t heard from the police back in Montreal, but I’m getting there. Where are you?_

Natasha sunk back in her chair as she replied, hurrying since she had another appointment. 

**_~~In the office, doing paperwork for a new deal. We’re working with a few new companies now. Can I see you soon? I don’t want to push my luck, but...you sending a text makes me hopeful._ **

Cori sucked in a breath and replied, her hands slightly shaking.

_~~I can’t promise anything, but I’m open to this, for now. Is that alright with you?_

Natasha was a tad disappointed but was confident she would see Cori again.

**_~~Perfectly fine, sweetie. I’ll be patient. And I’m here, whatever’s going on, just a phone call away. I love you, Cori! xoxo_ **

Cori’s vision blurred when she saw the last sentence, but she didn’t reply, not yet ready to say those words to her again.

It was early March when Cori volunteered to pick up some delivery shifts at Sweet Gems of Europe to help Pietro. The business was getting more and more contracts for caterings, so help had been hired in the kitchen as well.

On a weekly basis, Cori would now do deliveries. It scared her at first because she knew some people might recognize her, but the only time it happened was with an ex-colleague; he was kind enough not to judge or ask questions.

On Friday afternoon, Cori had started her daily deliveries and the first one was in Manhattan. She went up the stairs, sunk in her hat, then rang the doorbell. When the door opened, she put the large box in front of her. “Sweet Gems of Europe delivery for Mr. Barton. Can you sign here, please?” She then realized the name and began shaking.

“Hey, hun. Nice seeing you here!”

Cori sucked in a breath, recognizing the voice. She smiled shyly, looking up. “Hi, Clint. I see you moved?”

Clint chuckled, ruffling his hair. “I did move last year. Quieter here. How have you been, Cori?”

“I’m sure Steve’s told you.,” she murmured as he signed the form on her notepad.

“I’m asking you, hun.”

Cori sighed. “I’m alright, Clint. Day by day. I’ll get there.”

He nodded and seemed uneasy. Cori frowned and tipped her hat backward. “What is it, Hawkeye?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“Say it again.”

“What?”

“My nickname,” Clint replied, his voice strangled by emotion.

Cori tilted her head, then pushed herself up on her toes, wrapping her arms around him. “I miss you too, Hawkeye. I’m doing my best.” She remembered the day he’d told her he was now a private investigator and she’d given him that name.

She heard him sniffle and smiled. He had always been the most sensitive one of them all but seeing him so emotional every time they were in the same place, she knew she truly was missed. 

“Would it be too much if I asked you over for dinner tonight? Just something simple. Dinner and a movie?”

“Just us, no one else?” Cori frowned.

“Promise, hun.”

“Then I’ll be back after work,” she said as she stepped down the stairs.

She heard Clint chuckle and she waved him goodbye as she got into her car. 

The rest of the day went by quickly and she didn’t have time to stress out about the upcoming evening. She went home to change, shedding her uniform; she had to wear one now that she was a delivery girl. She put on leggings and a dark teal tunic, ruffled her hair to take out the hat look, then slipped on her coat. She called a cab, knowing it would be impossible to get to Manhattan at a decent time if she drove.

Even as she rang the doorbell, Cori felt a cold sweat going down her spine, but she didn’t have time to leave, as her impulse told her to, Clint opening the door. He didn’t try to hug her, but invited her inside, taking her coat as she took it off. “Come on, hun, everything’s ready.”

Cori frowned, suddenly fearful. “What’s ready?”

“I’ve ordered us the best food ever; wings, ribs, mozzarella sticks, and chili cheese fries.”

“Oh, my God! I’m going to have to start working out again. And so messy!”

Clint grinned, his eyes sparkling. “I thought as much. Come on, a feast awaits.”

And a feast it was. The whole coffee table was filled with food. A plate rested on each side, along with napkins, and beer stayed cool in an iced lunch box. Cori heard her stomach growl and she knelt on the floor, sitting back on her heels. Clint did the same on his side and they bowed to each other, Cori giggling as she did. She was glad he remembered their old tradition that had begun while eating sushi.

They ate slowly, eyeing each other, and it was Clint that broke the silence. “At some point, we will have to say something, hun.”

“Sorry, I guess I just lost the habit of talking so much,” she apologized.

“No need to be sorry, I just want to know how you’re doing.”

“I’m okay. I keep my little routine, my job, my cat, my house.”

“Cat? You? A cat? Dear gods, I want to see that!” Clint laughed.

“Hey! Goose loves me! He’s a great companion,” Cori said as she threw a stray fry at him.

He caught it and devoured it with a grin, then grabbed another rib. “You named your cat after a movie?” he snickered, holding back a smile.

Cori sighed, annoyed. “I did. Top Gun! You know you love that movie, so shut up.” She grinned.

Clint laughed loudly, leaning back on the sofa. “I missed this.”

“Me too. By the way, you have rib sauce on your face.”

“Oh?” He pushed his tongue out and licked his lips like a child, making Cori laugh. “I’ve missed that,” he said as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “How have you been?”

“Busy. Oh, so busy. I sometimes work with Nat or for Tony,” he replied, running his hand through his hair.

“Not surprising.” Cori shut down at the mention of two friends she had yet to see. She grabbed the empty plates and went out to the kitchen, setting them in the sink. She grabbed a water bottle in the fridge, drinking some before heading back to the living room; Clint was leaning on the doorframe, his arms crossed, his brow furrowed. “What?” she asked.

He breathed in, then sighed loudly. “I was wondering if you… if you had contacted Bucky.”

Cori stiffened, swallowing hard as her face closed up. “No, I’m not discussing this with you,” she muttered. She turned around and headed to the door, grabbing her coat that was on the leather chair. 

“Cori, please, wait. I’m sorry… I…” Clint stammered as he grabbed her arm.

She turned around, poking his chest. “I came here in good faith, not to be ambushed. I don’t want to talk about him, I don’t want to see him.”

“I’m sorry, Cori. Please don’t go, I won’t say more, I promise.”

She took one look at Clint and knew he was sincere. She sighed, then put her coat back on the chair. “What movie did you want to watch?”

Clint smiled sheepishly. “Lady’s choice. The movies are in the cabinet by the TV,” he replied, leading her back to the living room.

Cori went to the cabinet, opening it, and was floored to see how many garnished his collection now. “What did you do? Rob a video store?” she asked, her eyes wide.

“No, love, I just saw a lot lately. In between jobs and during travels, they keep me company, since I didn’t have my favorite message woman texting me at two in the morning,” he breathed out.

There was a twinge in Cori’s heart, and she bit her lip, looking back at the Blu-ray collection to hide the tears that were pooling in her eyes. She reached and picked out The Breakfast Club, knowing John Hughes’ movies were amongst Clint’s favorites. She popped it in the player then plopped on the couch. Still, Clint didn’t start the movie. Instead, he turned to her, grabbing Cori’s hand. He looked into her eyes and she could see how much he was holding back. She pressed her hand over his, her small hand barely covering his. “Clint, you don’t have…”

“Please, Cori, let me talk...just this once,” he murmured.

“Okay, I’m listening.”

He sniffled then looked at her. “I’m guilty,” he said. “Guilty of being afraid for my career. That’s why I didn’t go to the police headquarters, that’s why I didn’t go to see you in jail, even less your trial. I was such a coward and I don’t think I can apologize enough,” he said, probing her eyes for disappointment. He only found openness and it helped him continue. “But I went to the hospital. As soon as I got back from a job, I went to the hospital. I tried to see you, I tried really hard. But that woman with her candy was like a pit bull. She didn’t want to let me through!” Clint exclaimed.

“Mabel, a pit bull? She’s the sweetest woman in the world. Don’t you dare talk about her like that!” Cori laughed through her tears.

“I’m so sorry, hun. I should have been there. I should have tried every day.”

“Even if you had, it wouldn’t have worked, you know that,” she whispered, pressing her head on Clint’s shoulder. 

He closed his arms around her, hugging her tighter than he ever had before. “I’ll apologize every day for the rest of my life if I have to, Cori.”

“No, you won’t, Hawkeye.” 

“Then forgive me, hun. Say it, otherwise, I don’t think I’ll stop,” he said, his voice wavering.

“I forgive you, Clint.” Cori smiled, hugging him a little tighter. “Stop apologizing, it’ll get annoying. Let’s start fresh, okay?”

Clint pressed play, smiling as he saw what she’d chosen to watch. “Let’s start new with an old movie,” he replied. 

Cori snuggled into the crook of his arm like she had done so many times during their movie marathons. Still, even with Steve and Clint now truly back in her life, she knew she still had a mountain to climb.


	7. Chapter 7

With April came a little more sun, blossoming trees, and an intense desire for Cori to go out. She spent more time riding her bike around the neighborhood park, sitting on her back porch while Goose explored the backyard. With it also came some more clarity and she felt ready to meet up with Natasha, after almost six months without seeing her. They had texted here and there; Nat never pushed her.

On the morning of April 16, she grabbed her phone as soon as her alarm went off and texted her.

_ ~~Happy birthday, Natasha! How about lunch with me today? We could celebrate a little? xoxo _

Cori went downstairs, feeding Goose who was already on her heels, begging for his treats, then brewed some tea. She was off work that Monday since she worked the day before. While she was checking out the news, she saw Tony’s face and read what was written under it, smiling when she saw he had bought another massive company. She didn’t have time to react more because her phone chimed in her hand. Natasha had replied to her text. 

**_ ~~Well, you wanting to see me, that is my birthday gift, sweetie. I would be more than happy. Should I meet you at your house or should we meet somewhere else? _ **

Cori smiled and punched in a few keys.

_ ~~Meet me at my place at 12:30, I’m cooking. _

Cori added her address then hit send. With a smile on her face, she made breakfast, then a list of what she needed, heading to the grocery store. She decided on making salmon en papillote with sautéed vegetables and wild rice since she knew fish was one of Natasha’s favorite dishes. Since it didn’t take long to cook, she opted on baking crème brûlée and cookies for dessert.

While the crème and the cookies were in the oven, Cori grabbed her phone, sifting through her contacts when she saw Tony’s name. She narrowed her eyes, remembering what she had seen on TV earlier. She opened a text message bubble, typing furiously.

_ ~~So, Einstein’s making new friends?  _

She put her phone on the table as the oven beeped, the cookies being ready. She pulled them out while her text ringtone blared, Tony having replied to her. 

** ~ _~Yes, I did. Just another bold move. You know me._ **

Cori snorted and replied just as quickly. 

_ ~~Yeah, I do. How’s Pepper?  _

On the other side of town, Tony grinned, happy to finally hear from Cori. He glanced at Pepper and the ring on her finger. 

**_ ~~Doing great. But you know that ;-)  _ **

He sent her a picture of his wife at work while he grinned as he photobombed her.

Cori smiled at the picture, a twinge in her heart, having missed that big step in Tony’s life. She took her time before answering, wanting to make sure her reply didn’t sound harsh.

_ ~~I’m not ready to see you yet, I just wanted you to know, but soon, I promise. Say hello to Pepper. In the meantime, tame that hair of yours, you look like a hippie. xoxo _

With a sigh, Cori put her phone away, seeing it was close to noon. She finished preparing the fish, replacing the crème in the oven with it. While it cooked, she put the rice on, the vegetables on the side of the pan, and flamed the crèmes with sugar. 

By the time the doorbell rang, Cori was ready, and so was the food. She went to the door, pushing Goose away so he wouldn’t escape in the street and found Nat on the porch. She turned around with a large smile, his green eyes sparkling.

For a reason she couldn’t understand, Cori reached out, wrapping her arms around Natasha’s shoulders, and she hugged her tightly, burying her face in her neck. She squeezed a little harder and finally let go, coming face to face with her, seeing her overcome by emotion.

“Are you alright, Natasha?”, she asked, wiping a tear on the corner of her eye. 

“I didn’t expect this, sweetie. I almost expected you to slap me.”

Cori laughed, letting her in. “I have much better to do than to slap you.”

Natasha nodded and closed the door behind her. She looked around, discovering Cori’s house for the first time. Goose came around, rubbing his head on her calf, purring away.

“Traitor!” Cori scolded the tabby, nudging him with her foot. “He never does that with me, and I adopted him.”

“He probably knows I’m inherently good,” Natasha said with a shrug. 

Cori tilted her head to the side, then wrapped her arm around Natasha’s, taking her for a grand tour of the house. They came back to the kitchen when the oven beeped, the fish almost ready. Cori finished preparing the meal and set the table while Natasha observed her silently. When she put the plates in front of them, sitting, she finally noticed her look. “Whaaaaaat?”

“You still look comfortable around a kitchen, sweetie.”

“I lost my mind, Nat, not my skills.” Cori smiled.

Natasha shook her head, sighing. “Please don’t say that. It kills me that I wasn’t able to be there for you when you needed me the most.”

“You’re here now. And you waited until I was ready to see you. It gave me time to think and take a step back. I’ve said some things I do regret now, but I can’t take them back.”

“No, don’t. We deserve every word you said, and I can live with that. I had to live with that,” Natasha said, pressing her hand on Cori’s.

She sighed. “I’m sorry it took a while for me to get back to you though. I’ve texted you two months ago.”

“I’m a patient woman, Cori. And I would’ve done anything to be in your life again. When you were at that hospital, all I could do was call to talk to you because I was away. But they denied me every single time.”

“I know, it’s alright now. They were looking out for me. I just don’t think they knew the effect it would have later,” she sighed. “Now, eat, it’s going to get cold and I did not spend the morning cooking for you to get cold food.”

They ate slowly, Natasha updating her on her latest contracts and travels and Cori was glad they avoided the ‘Bucky’ subject. When they were done, she picked up their plates, bringing back the crème brûlées and cookies as she sat back on the bench seat. “I didn’t bake a cake, because I know this is your favorite, but I don’t have candles. But still, happy birthday, Natasha,” she murmured.

Natasha reached up, cupping her face. “Thank you, sweetie. You’ve given me the best birthday present I could ask for. You gave me my friend back.” She smiled softly.

Cori leaned against her, hugging her sideways. “I missed you too. I’m here now.”

“And I can only ask for one more thing. Your forgiveness, Cori.”

“Of course, you have it, Natasha. Do you really think you’d be here if I hadn’t? I needed to see you face to face to talk… to tell you,” Cori breathed out.

“I understand. Thank you, sweetie,” Natasha said, hugging her still. She released Cori with a smile. “But tell me something now, why did you cut off your hair? You loved it long!”

“I did. But spending so much time in bed those first weeks in the hospital, it was full of knots and annoyed me, so I had them cut it off,” she said, reaching for the tip of her hair that was now brushing her shoulders. “It’ll grow back.” Her phone rang and Cori stood from the bench to pick up her cell from the kitchen counter. It was an international number, so she answered quickly. 

Natasha watched her carefully, seeing her face slowly turn from a smile to a frown, then her eyes filled with tears. She went to Cori, wrapping her arm around her waist. She trembled against her so Nat helped her sit as she listened but barely answered. Cori finished her conversation, then slammed the phone on the table, sobbing as she leaned over, her elbows on her knees. Natasha didn’t say a word, only rubbing her back slowly until she calmed down.

When Cori raised herself up, she wiped her tears, a smile on her face. “The lies are over,” she hiccupped. “I don’t care that he was a financier, that he was rich and well-known. My father was a murderer, and now, it’s on file,” she added.

“What do you mean, sweetie?” Natasha asked, frowning.

“My father passed off my mother’s murder as a burglary gone wrong. Now that I’ve told the Montreal police the whole story, that they’ve investigated with the NYPD, they can actually change what’s on file.”

Natasha smiled and wrapped her arms around Cori’s shoulders from the back. “That’s wonderful, Cori, I’m very happy for you.”

“I don’t want anything to do with him ever again. He’s dead and buried, and now I can let it go. Do you know what I’m going to do now?” she asked Natasha, gripping her hands.

“What’s that?”

Cori stood slowly and turned to Nat. “I’m changing my name. I don’t want to be a Brandford anymore. I’ll do whatever is necessary, but from now on, my name is Cori Elysabeth Bergeron.”

Cori took on more shifts at work, delivering pastries here and there while learning more in the kitchen with Wanda. She also got her name change in order, so it was made quickly. Letting go of everything her father had touched meant for her to live differently. The only money she decided to keep was what was left of her mother’s estate, which wasn’t as much as her father’s, but still enough to be comfortable if she was careful.

She went to the bank, and after careful consideration, Cori decided to donate another part of the money to the biggest women’s shelter in New York and another part to a children’s foundation specialized in mental health. As for her own future, she knew she could easily make it.

Her sessions with Dr. Carter were now twice a month unless she needed more, but Cori felt comfortable with that arrangement, and since it was going so well, the psychiatrist agreed she was ready to have her meds reduced a little more.

“You’ll now be on the lowest dosage. You’ll need to be stable for a year before we wean you off completely,” she explained.

“I’m good with that. It’ll be nice, slowly getting back to my old self again, only better.” 

“How has it been going with your relationships? Any progress?” 

Cori sighed, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “I’ve been keeping in touch regularly with Pepper, Steve, Clint, and Natasha, I see them when they’re can. But I haven’t seen Tony yet, much less Bucky,” she said.

“And why is that?” Dr. Carter asked.

“Well, Tony is busy with his new buyout and I don’t want to bother him.”

“What about Bucky?”

Cori gritted her teeth, her body tensing. “I can’t. Not yet.”

“Cori, look at me,” Dr. Carter asked. When Cori did, she continued. “Bucky has apologized, here, in this very room. You’ve let the others speak, but not him. I know that for you, he’s the worst of them all. But if you want to move on, at some point, you will have to talk to him.” 

“The only thing that keeps coming to my mind is his face, screaming at me that night. I can never forget that, or the words he said to me,” Cori replied, her voice wavering. 

“But you can forgive. You’ve laid down so much of your burden. You’ve let go of the past, most of it. Whether you do engage in a relationship with Bucky again or not, you will have to move past it, otherwise, it’ll eat at you.”

Cori nodded. “In my own time. I’m not ready. I don’t know what to tell him, and I don’t know if I’m ready to listen to him yet.” 

“And that’s just fine, dear. Taking your time has never been an issue and that’s what I’ve always recommended. Just remember that whatever you decide, you have control of your life now, no one else.” 

“I know. I know you’re right. I will give him his chance, but I don’t know when. Maybe that’s why I’m waiting so much on seeing Tony too. Bucky is his bodyguard. I’m scared that I’ll see them at the same time, and that, I just can’t,” Cori breathed out. 

“Then tell Tony that, tell him you need to see him alone. I’m sure he’s intelligent enough to understand that,” Dr. Carter stated. 

Cori snickered. “Yeah. That oaf is very intelligent. He’s a charmer, but he has wits. And now that he’s married, he might be a little tamer and will only understand more.” 

The psychiatrist smiled as the buzzer on her desk rang out. “There you go. I don’t know what else I could add to this, because you’ve absorbed all the suggestions I could give you. It’s up to you to put them in motion, Cori.” 

“I will,” Cori grinned as she stood up, knowing the session was over. “Who knows, maybe in two weeks, I’ll have news for you,” she added. “Have a nice day, doctor.”

Dr. Carter grinned as Cori walked out. It wasn’t every day that a patient was finally getting the full reins of her life back.


	8. Chapter 8

May went by quickly, then June arrived, bringing back warmer temperatures. On an uneventful Friday, Cori stopped by the shops to get what she needed for the weekend. She texted Steve since she knew he was in town for a few days and invited him over for dinner. 

She had seen Clint again before he had to leave for California. He had signed a contract with a celebrity for a bit. Cori was extremely curious but didn’t ask anymore, even if she knew the way to make Clint spill the beans. A little tug on his hair could bring him to his knees but Cori wasn’t yet that comfortable to kid around as they did before but was slowly getting there. 

Strangely, with Natasha and Steve, it was like nothing had ever happened. They were ever-present, even if far sometimes, and made time for her as much as possible. Cori knew it wouldn’t last since they would eventually meet someone, so she made the most of it.

As she was in the meat aisle, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She picked it up to see a message from Tony.

**_~~Hello Pipsqueak! I’m not pressing the matter, just telling you that I’m back in town after my trip to Tokyo. So, if and/or when you’re ready, I’m here. xoxo_ **

Cori breathed in and out deeply, closing her eyes. She had pushed back seeing Tony for five months now, though she was talking to Pepper on a regular basis. It wasn’t his fault, only Cori was afraid she’d fall on Bucky if she saw Tony, the men almost joined at the hip. Every time she’d see Tony doing interviews, Bucky was by his side. She’d switch channels, still feeling anger rising within. 

More than once, she had discussed the subject with Dr. Carter, and every time, Cori had a hard time putting words on her feelings. She wasn’t sure it was anger, disappointment, or something else, and according to her psychiatrist, she would probably never know until she faced him. Still, Cori wasn’t ready to see him.

Looking back to her phone, seeing Tony’s name and message, she knew he had waited long enough, so she took her time to formulate an answer.

_~~Hi, Einstein. I knew you were back, Pepper told me. I’m sorry I’ve been taking so long. There are reasons for my evasive manners, and I promise I will explain them to you. Are you alright with that?_

Cori hit send and waited, continuing her grocery shopping, picking up lamb and vegetables. There was no way she could have Steve over without serving him meat for dinner. He would probably end up eating Goose otherwise. She laughed at that perspective, then hid her face when other people stared at her. _Well, now I’m truly nuts!_ she told herself. That made her laugh even more. Her phone buzzed again, letting her know Tony had replied.

**_~~How about next Thursday? I’ll take off work, it’ll be just you and me. Pepper won’t be there either. Your place or mine? Maybe I could cook us something nice? (You know that means ordering in!)_ **

It made Cori smile to read that last part.

_~~My place. Come over during the afternoon? We can cook together and talk. xoxo_

She sent her address in one last message and put her phone back in her pocket. She finished her grocery shopping and paid, balancing the bags on the handlebar as she made her way back home.

It was only when she looked at the calendar in the kitchen later that day that she realized what day it was; June 12 was her mother’s birthday. Cori sucked in a breath, a long shiver going through her body. She went to the window looking out the backyard to check on the lily she had recently bought, finding it in full bloom. She smiled and grazed the petals with her fingertips. “Hi, Mom. Happy birthday.” 

After all this time, Cori realized how much her mother had missed her life, almost every important step, and that she’d been gone for more than half her life. She cried softly, still grieving.

Studying the shape of the flower, she narrowed her eyes, then picked up her phone while drying her tears. She quickly found the number and address for the tattoo shop that was established beside Sweet Gems of Europe. Shuri, the tattoo artist she had befriended, had always told her that she would give her a discount would she ever decide to get one. Within minutes, Cori had an appointment for the next day. 

In the meantime, she spent the rest of the evening baking the Jamison cake Steve loved so much and ended up falling asleep watching a movie.

“Shiiiiiiit!!”

That was the only word Cori could think of when her tire blew. She parked on the side of the small road she had taken to relax a bit while driving. She had a meeting at eleven with the court-appointed psychiatrist to evaluate her progress since she had been released. She was nervous like she’d rarely been; as much as during the session with her friends in Dr. Carter’s office.

So, the flat tire on her car was an unwelcome gift. Cori pressed her head on the steering wheel, holding in a sob, and the few more curse words she could think of. She grabbed her phone to call for help, then realized Steve and Clint were off to California, one for a conference, the other for a job, and Natasha was on a mission with a diplomat. Cori sighed and scrolled through her contacts, her eyes falling on Tony’s name. It was only Monday, they were to meet on Thursday, but she needed help, as she couldn’t change a flat tire on her own. She dialed the number quick, her heart thundering. The familiar voice answered, a smile evident in it. “Hello, Pipsqueak! Did you change your mind?”

“I need help, Tony”

“What is it, Cori? Where are you? What do you need?” Tony replied, his voice dropping to a serious tone.

“I have an important appointment to get to and I have a flat tire. I’m on a back road. Can you either come to get me or help me change the tire?” Cori asked, hopeful.

“Tell me exactly where you are, I’ll hurry up!”

Cori explained to him where she was, then hung up, putting music on to try to relax. Even then, her stress levels were going through the roof. 

Twenty minutes later, she saw Tony’s white Land Rover arrive and park behind her. She stepped out to meet him and quickly, she found herself engulfed in his body, Tony hugging her tightly. Like she had burned him, he let go and took a step back. “Oh. God! I’m sorry, Cori. I know you didn’t want…”

“It’s fine, Tony,” she murmured, still taken aback. She looked at her watch, fidgety. “Are you in a rush?”

“No, I’m not. Slow day today. Pepper’s at the spa.”

“I have to meet up with the court-appointed shrink in less than an hour. And you know what traffic is like. I don’t have time for this...shit,” Cori said, pointing to the deflated tire. 

Tony looked at it, then at her. “Then hop in. I’ll drive you, I’ll wait and take you back, so I’ll change the tire then,” he explained.

Cori nodded and went to her car, picking up her purse. She locked the doors and went back to Tony’s Rover, hopped in, then buckled her seat belt. “I’m really sorry. I forgot to renew my membership to AAA when I renewed my license.”

“Don’t worry about it, Pipsqueak, it’s fine. I’m happy to see you sooner,” Tony admitted.

“I’m happy to see you too, Einstein.”

“You’ll never let that go, will you?” 

“Nope.”

Tony grinned. “Then I know we’re going to be okay.”

Cori nodded and smiled. She hummed along to the music as they rode, but the closer they got to Dr. Carter’s office, the more she gripped her purse tightly. 

Tony glanced sideways, sensing her nervousness. “Will you be alright with that appointment?”

“I’m scared. I have no reason to be. Everything’s been going well, but still. It’s court appointed. I don’t know the guy and he doesn’t know me except on paper,” Cori explained. 

Tony parked the car in front of the office and tentatively put his hand over Cori’s. She didn’t pull hers away, so he looked at her, waiting for her to continue. When she didn’t, he pressed her hand gently. “Would you like me to go with you, Pipsqueak? I can stay outside the door. I’ll just be around.”

Cori inhaled sharply and looked at him. “I’d like that, yes.”

Just like that, Cori felt she had taken another step with Tony, but knew it was only a small one. He went in with her and sat by the door. As soon as Cori stepped into the office and saw the court shrink, she backed into the waiting room. “Tony? Can you come in with me? I can’t do this alone,” she admitted nervously.

Tony jumped up and went in with her. He sat right by her side, his hand opens on the armrest, should Cori need it. Dr. Carter started the session as usual, but soon enough, she let the other psychiatrist take over. 

The sixty-something bearded man introduced himself, saying he was only there to assess her efforts and progress throughout the last year. “Tell me about the last year, Cori.”

“What would you like to know?”

“Do you have a job? Friends? Social life?” the man asked.

“I’ve been working at Sweet Gems of Europe for a little over a year, I’ve had two promotions since getting that job. I really like it. As for a social life, I’m still hesitant about that. I’ve started seeing old friends again, but slowly since some of them were involved in things surrounding the...events,” Cori explained. She breathed in and out slowly, but her hands were shaking. She saw Tony’s open hand and locked her fingers with his. “This is Tony, one of those friends. He’s been nice enough to wait for me to come to him instead of pushing me around. He waited until I was better and felt ready to reconnect with him. So, my social life has been that, rekindling friendships.”

The psychiatrist took a few more notes, then rubbed his beard. “And what about breakdowns, panic attacks, and such. Have you had any?”

Cori narrowed her eyes, looking at Dr. Carter. The doctor smiled gently. Cori breathed in and out, feeling Tony squeeze her hand. “I’ve had a big one in January when I went to my mother’s grave in Montreal, and a little one in March, but I’ve managed my fears otherwise.”

“Good. Have you had any suicidal thoughts, violent tendencies?”

“NO! No!” Cori shouted, frowning.

Dr. Carter shifted on her seat, her notepad in hand. “It’s a routine question, Cori. He has to ask you.”

Cori signed, annoyed. “No, I haven’t had any of those. I have not had violent tendencies unless you count me wanting to kick my flat tire earlier. And no suicidal thoughts either. I have so much to live for and my whole life ahead of me. All I want is to be healthy again and live my life.”

The psychiatrist took more notes and asked a few more routine questions, but in the end, he seemed overall satisfied with Cori’s answers. He shook her hand as he left and Dr. Carter didn’t require Cori to stay longer, seeing Tony was with her. They made an appointment for the next week instead and Cori went on her way.

She didn’t say a word during the ride and Tony didn’t dare ask anything. When they got back to her car, he changed her tire quickly while Cori watched, fidgeting. When he was done, he stood, trying to get the dust away, so Cori dove in her glove box and handed him wet wipes. The silence was uncomfortable for both of them, so she grabbed the horn by the bulls. “I’m ...glad you came with me. Thank you,” she murmured. “I’ll see you Thursday?”

“I won’t miss it for the world, Pipsqueak.” He smiled.

Cori nodded and left, sighing as she went to her car. She sat at the wheel, holding in her tears. As easy as it was texting him, it was hard seeing him face to face because she half expected Bucky to pop up close by. 

She drove home, changed into her yoga clothes, and tried to unwind as she did different poses, having taken up the relaxation method recently. She liked it on most days, except those when Goose wagged his tail in her face when she did the downward dog. 

When Thursday came around, Cori had had time to calm down and she knew Tony was happy to see her. He arrived in the middle of the afternoon, his arms full of shopping bags, having bought everything they needed to cook. Cori gave him the grand tour, then they headed to the kitchen, making French fries from scratch. 

Tony kept glancing sideways as he peeled and cut up potatoes, a hint of a smile on his lips. “At some point, we will have to talk, Pipsqueak.”

Cori dropped her knife and the potato, sighing. “I know. I just don’t know where to start, Tony.”

“Start anywhere, Cori. We’ll manage.”

“I’m very happy for you and Pepper and I’m sorry I missed the wedding,” Cori said, swallowing hard. She sat on a chair, hugging her knees to her chest. “You were more than a boss for me, and now you’re family. It took me a while to get back to you because… because…”

“Because of Bucky,” Tony stated.

Cori raised her head and stared at him. “You knew?” she whispered.

Tony sighed and kneeled in front of her. “Pipsqueak, you’re an open book. Of course, I knew. But I would never impose his presence on you. You’re not ready and that’s okay. You will deal with him in your own time and no matter how much he wants to join us, I know he would never defy your wishes, and neither would I,” he said in a low voice. He cleared his throat, then put his hand on her feet on the side of the chair. “You know where I was when all of this happened and it broke my heart not to be able to be with you, to see you through this.”

“I know, Tony, I know you tried,” Cori murmured, scratching the top of his head. “I can’t blame you for not trying.”

“No, you can’t, but I’d understand if you would resent me for not trying harder. Cori, you’re like the sister I don’t have. When I met you, I wanted to put you in a little bubble to protect you. You had wild hair and a fierce attitude, and I was so afraid that you’d be forever lost within yourself while you were in the hospital,” Tony breathed out. “But you didn’t, you fought back, and you’re slowly getting back to the Cori I’ve known and loved over the last few years.”

Tears welled in Cori’s eyes as she heard Tony speak and she didn’t know what to answer. She put her feet back on the floor and stood up, Tony doing the same, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, since it was useless to try his shoulders, as he was too tall. “I’m here, Tony. And you are too. I can’t ask for anything more now.”

“Can you forgive me for my absence?” he asked, his voice wavering.

Cori pressed her face in his chest, smiling. Tony laughed and hugged her tighter. He said, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

They both turned back to their potatoes and kept on chatting and Tony offered, “If you ever get bored at the bakery, you could still have a job at Stark Industries.”

“Hmm, no. I love the Maximoffs and I’m thinking about offering them to partner up. I don’t think Stark Industries would benefit from me being there again, not after what happened.”

“I get why you’re saying that, but I miss you. If you change your mind, the offer stands.”

“Thank you, Einstein.” She hip-bumped him as they continued cooking. “You’ve helped me so much over the years, I’m the one that should owe you something.”

“Hey, I was investing in your future. I don’t regret it one bit. Besides, student loans can affect your credit and we wouldn’t want that if you want to invest in a business now, would we?”

She smiled. “No, not really. I’ll come to you if I need help, I promise.”

He winked at her and with that, she knew they would be okay from now on.


	9. Chapter 9

Cori decided to take her vacation time in the middle of July, so she could take a little trip; hiking up in the Appalachians with Natasha and Clint, then spend some time alone in Maine by the sea. She’d always wanted to see the lighthouses along the coast. There was also a theater festival on her way back home where she wanted to attend plays and musicals. 

Fortunately for her, it had been sunny on the trips there and back, except in Maine, where it had rained cats and dogs the first day. But she managed to enjoy the following ones and visited a few lighthouses like she’d planned and enjoyed the local food. 

On the last day, the weather was particularly nice, so in between a conversation panel with an actor and a play, Cori ended up in a small secluded park with her lunch, basking in the sun. She kept toying with her hair, as it was slowly growing back but not fast enough to her taste. 

Seeing that it was barely one o’clock and the play began at three, she laid back, her hands clasped on her stomach, soaking in some sun with her eyes closed. It was a shadow passing, then staying in front of her that made her move. She opened her eyes, putting her hand to hide the sun from them and her heart dropped. Bucky stood over her, uncertain, seemingly trying to find the right words to say. Cori sat up straight, picked up her things, then stood quickly to walk away.

“Cori, please wait!”

Still, Cori kept on walking, her face aflame. A second later, she felt his hand gripping her arm and she turned around, her eyes narrowed. 

“Cori, please. Please, talk to me,” Bucky pleaded in a small voice, letting go of her arm.

“Why should I? Huh? Tell me one good reason I should?” Cori growled; her hand gripped on the strap of her bag. “And what are you doing here?”

Bucky licked his lips, running his hand through his brown hair.

When he took his time to answer, she growled. “Fuck this. Don’t follow me,” she warned him. She turned away and walked even faster to get out of his sights. She suddenly had no desire to see the play or even to stay in Maine anymore. 

“ _Please, Cori! Wait!_ ”

The imploring tone he had made Cori stop, and if anyone asked her why at that moment, she wouldn’t have had an answer. She didn’t turn around, only waited. Bucky was by her side a second later, at a safe distance. 

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence we’re both here at the same time. Did you know I would be here to canvas the place for Tony?” he asked.

Cori clenched her jaw. “Do you really think I would’ve come here, knowing you would be here? Do you really think I’d be that stupid? I didn’t see Tony or Pepper, so no, I didn’t know,” she spat out.

Bucky sighed and rubbed his stubble. “Of course not, babe.”

“Do. Not. _‘Babe’_. Me,” Cori growled.

“Whatever I’ll say, you will have a reply, Cori. Anything I could explain right here, right now, you don’t want to hear what I need to tell you.”

“No, I don’t. I’ve made it through the last two and a half years without you, Bucky. In case it’s not clear, I _don’t need you!_ ” she shouted.

Bucky looked around, suddenly nervous. “Lower your voice, please,” he pleaded.

Cori snorted. “Are you fucking kidding me? Really?” she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. “This is just like that night. You only care about your fucking career. I’m out of here,” she said, walking back towards the B&B where she was staying. 

This time, she sprinted and made sure Bucky hadn’t followed her, even if she knew he probably watched her from afar. She packed her things quickly, clenching her jaw so hard that it caused her a headache. She paid her bill, then headed to her car, throwing her suitcase and purse in the back, then sat at the wheel. 

For long minutes, she didn’t move, her hands on her lap, staring at the dashboard like it had the answer to everything. She breathed in deeply, then started the car, heading out of the driveway. As she tried to ease onto the street, she looked to her blind spot and when she turned back and had to violently apply the brakes. Bucky was standing in the middle of the street. Annoyed, she honked the horn a few times, but still, he wouldn’t move. She put the car in park, turned off the engine then got out. “Get out of the way!”

“No.”

“No?” Cori grunted, fiddling with her keys. “Bucky, seriously, get out of the way. I don’t have the time or the desire for this.”

He closed the gap between them in a few strides, grabbed her keys, and threw them in the grass on the other side of the street where she had been sitting for lunch. Cori’s eyes widened, her mouth agape. “Are you out of your mind? I don’t have another set!” she shouted.

“I know you don’t. You never have, even if I told you a million times to keep one. Now, you don’t have a choice but to listen to me.”

Cori walked over to the grass spot, scanning the area for her keys as Bucky followed her. “You’re an asshole. I didn’t know you that way.”

“Apparently, I didn’t know you at all,” Bucky let out. 

The blow left her speechless. She gasped, putting her hand over her stomach, and turned around, her eyes stinging with tears. “That’s low. Even for you.”

“The Cori I knew would stand her ground, she would fight me tooth and nail. _This_ Cori,” he said, pointing at her, “I don’t know her at all. You’ve changed your hair, you have a tattoo, and I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

Cori rushed to him and shoved him, both hands pushing on his shoulders. “ _And whose fault is that?_ You left me to rot in jail! You didn’t offer me any help but call me a lawyer. Wow, bravo! Should I give you a medal for that?” she yelled.

“I don’t want a medal, I want you back, Cori. You. Not this shell of you.”

She looked at him, her eyes wide, a tear rolling down. “How the hell would you know? You weren’t there. I got through a whole year of treatments, another of weekly sessions. I made amends with Steve, Natasha, Clint, and Tony, and for some reason, I have no desire to make any with you.”

“Why, Cori? Don’t I deserve a chance to make amends myself?” Bucky shouted back, taking one step closer. “We’ve been friends for a long time, I think I deserve the same chance as the others did.”

“If it were just me, I’d say you deserve absolutely nothing, Bucky. Nothing. I called on you for help. _You_. No one else, just you. And you abandoned me that night, the night I needed you the most,” Cori cried, choking on her own words. She wiped the tears that were rolling down. “Do you know that for months, even a year, when I thought about you, the only thing I saw was you yelling at me at the police station? You were so angry at me, yet you didn’t even take a second to ask if I was okay, if I needed anything. You threw me away like last week’s garbage. And that’s exactly how I felt.”

Bucky clenched his jaw and saw Cori’s body trembling with her, her hands balled into fists. He reached out his hand to her. “Sit with me. We’re both adults, just… Sit with me. I’ll take anything you have to tell me. Please, Cori,” he begged, tears in his eyes.

Cori didn’t take his hand, at the risk of wanting to break it, but still sat on the grass in front of him. She sniffled and started toying with a grass blade. 

Bucky sat, as close as he thought was acceptable, then sighed loudly, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Cori, I… I know I’ve let you down, disappointed you in so many ways. I don’t think my own lifetime will be enough to make up for it, but I want to. Fuck, I want to,” he sighed again.

“What if I don’t want you to?” Cori asked defiantly.

“I’ll do it, still. There’s no one, not even you, that can stop me from doing that.”

“Why, Bucky? I’ve pushed you away time and time again, and I think I’ll keep at it for quite some time. Hell, I’ve even taken six months to see Tony just because I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t see you.”

Bucky looked up, his head low still, barely believing what he was hearing. “Do you hate me that much, Cori?” he whispered.

“I hated you. I don’t have the time and the energy to hate you anymore. But somehow, I can’t yet put you completely in the past.” She scoffed. “That’s kind of telling,” she added, bitter.

“I know I messed up. I know, Cori. I was a complete jerk or whatever word you want to use. I left you to fend for yourself in the worst moment of your life. If I had known…”

“If you had known, you would’ve stayed. But you were my friend, Bucky, one of my best friends. You should’ve trusted that I was telling you the truth, that I didn’t know what was going on. I lost my mind that night and I had no one to rely on when I should’ve had at least the five of you. I did everything alone, Bucky, everything. You broke the trust I had in you.” Cori let out a loud sob.

Bucky reached out, his fingers grazing her hand, but she pulled away like she had been burned. “Don’t,” she hissed. 

“I’m sorry. Cori…”

“Just stop, Bucky, I don’t think there’s anything you can say that will make me want to listen to you any longer,” she said, putting her hands on the grass to push herself up.

“I knew you were in love with me. I knew you were going to tell me that night.”

Nothing else could’ve knocked the wind out of Cori more than that revelation. She snapped her head back at Bucky, mouth agape and eyes wide. “ _And you left me there?_ What kind of asshole does that?” she shouted.

“Me. I was scared, Cori,” Bucky breathed out. “I had just been given the contract of a lifetime, yet I had to leave you. And I didn’t _want_ to leave you.”

“Why? I’ve never held you back from work! You’ve been on missions without me batting an eyelash.”

Bucky laughed wryly. “Yeah, and that’s the problem.”

Cori sighed. “You’re not making any sense and I’m tired of this. I’ll just find my keys and get out of here. This is leading nowhere,” she said, looking for her keys. A second later, she saw Bucky handing her the set, as it dangled from his fingers. She grunted, grabbing them. 

“How else was I supposed to make you listen to me? How else could I have made you stay?” he asked, standing up alongside Cori.

She didn’t reply, only walking back to her car. She smoothed out her shorts, brushing away the dirt. 

“I didn’t want to leave you because I loved you, Cori. I knew how you felt, and I felt the same way. But I knew I had to go. That’s why I canceled our date that night. So, you’d have to wait before telling me anything. I had overheard you talking to Pepper when I picked you up at work the night before. I was in love with you too,” Bucky explained, his voice getting fainter with every word.

Cori looked up to the sky, tears rolling down her face. She shook her head and sniffled. “Why tell me this now? After all this time?” she asked, unable to look at him.

“Because after all this time, if there’s one thing you do deserve above everything else, it’s the truth. I was a fucking coward and I can’t make up for that, only try to be better in your eyes. There’s no way in hell our relationship can ever be what it was, and I know that I’m not dumb, but I will do everything I can to be in your life.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Cori said. “I… I have nothing to say to you right now,” she added. She breathed in and out and walked back to her car, getting in. She drove away, leaving Bucky standing in the grass.


	10. Chapter 10

The drive back to New York was the most excruciating ride of Cori’s life. For two hours, she gripped the steering wheel, enough for her knuckles to be white and her hands to start hurting. All along the way, tears rolled on her cheeks and her heart ached more than it ever had before. When Jonny Lang’s “Walking Away” began playing, she punched the power button, hissing as she did, shoving it inside the dashboard.

Instead of driving home, she set out for Brooklyn, knowing it was better for her not to be alone, but also because she needed answers. She parked in front of Steve’s building, then climbed the stairs at light speed. She still had a key to his place, but her hands were shaking so much that she pounded on the door repeatedly, yelling at Steve to answer. He swung it open after unlocking it, his face full of worry. Cori didn’t give him a chance to say anything, storming in, poking his shoulder. “ _Did you know?_ ” she yelled.

“Know what, sweetheart?” he asked as he closed the door.

“Did you know about Bucky?”

“Cori, calm down, you’re not making sense. Did I know _what_ about Bucky? Have you seen him? What’s going on?”

She turned around, her hands on her hips, fuming. “Listen to me, Rogers. And think about your answer _very_ carefully. Did you know that Bucky was in love with me?”

Steve’s jaw dropped but he quickly closed his mouth, rubbing his stubble. “I… Yes, I knew,” he sighed.

“You bastard,” she growled. “Did you _all_ know?”

“Yes, we all did,” he sighed. “But Cori…”

“No ‘buts’! Fuck off, Steve!” Cori shouted, swinging past him to get out. 

He gripped her arm and pulled her back, putting both his hands on her shoulders to ground her. “I knew he loved you like I knew you loved him, even if you hadn’t told me. Of course, I knew, Cori. You’re my best friend, I know you like the back of my hand. But I didn’t tell you about him for the same reason I didn’t tell him about you.”

“Why?” Cori whispered, her lip quivering, a sob threatening to come out.

“Come here, sweetheart.” Steve exhaled as he led her to the living room. He made her sit on the sofa, then poured them both a lick of Jamison. When he sat again, he could feel the tension in Cori’s body. “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t my secret to tell, simple as that. This is not high school where we whisper each other’s secrets in hopes that it’ll work out. This is real life. He chose not to tell you for a reason; I’m guessing he’s told you by now if you’re this worked up.”

“He did,” Cori grunted as she spun the whiskey in the glass. “He made a whole speech about being scared, about not wanting to leave me, yet that’s what he did.”

“Woah, _no_. That’s something else entirely, Cori. The reasons why he left and the reasons why he didn’t tell you he loved you are completely different. No matter if he had said it or not, he had to go on that mission. Would you rather he had told you he had been madly in love with you for years, then deserted you for the next six months to go work?” Steve asked, rubbing the back of Cori’s hand with his thumb.

“Maybe if he had told me… Maybe this all wouldn’t have happened,” Cori stammered, her voice almost a whisper.

Steve shifted in his seat, facing Cori. He cupped her face with his hands and wiped the tears that had rolled down on her cheeks. “Now you don’t know that. You’ll never know that. Imagine if you had found the gun, say now, and shot Bucky? Or me? Or Natasha? Or Clint? Or Tony?”

Cori was horrified even at the thought of doing that, remembering the feeling of the gun in her hand and the pain she felt seeing her mother lying in a pool of blood. She shuddered, gripping Steve’s wrists. “No, I don’t want to,” she murmured.

“Would you have rather lived in the dark all this time? Now, you know the truth and it set you free. You can’t be angry at Bucky because he didn’t tell you he loved you. You can throw shit at him for the rest, _that_ you can, but withholding his love to protect you from pain, you just can’t, sweetheart.”

“But he waited for two years!! _Two years!_ ” Cori shouted, throwing her hands up in the air.

“Cori, when did you ever give him a chance to talk to you before today?” Steve asked, a knowing smile on his face. When Cori didn’t reply and crossed her arms petulantly, he chuckled. “Yeah, I thought as much. You gave me a chance, you did the same with Clint, Natasha, and Tony. He deserves the same chance.”

“But I…”

“No ‘buts’, sweetheart,” Steve laughed.

“Go to hell, Rogers,” Cori smiled shyly.

“Listen, I know it’s hard, I’ve seen you struggle with this for months, so have the others. We couldn’t talk to you about it because you didn’t want to hear it. And we can’t do anything for you, not about this. Only you can. Do you still want Bucky in your life? You do have options.”

“Oh yeah? What are those?”

“You can push him away completely, forever. You can forgive him and move on. But if there’s one thing of the old Cori that never went away, it’s your stubborn side. If you forgive him, you have to do it completely, not half-assed. Otherwise, you’ll never want to see him and he’ll only cling to something that isn’t there,” Steve explained. “You know how Bucky is. He’s the warmest, kindest person in the world. He’ll want to hug you, to help you, to be a welcome participant in your life. And if you tell him you forgive him, you better mean it.”

“What if I don’t?” Cori asked in a groan, fiddling with her keys.

“You’re not that mean, you never have been. You can’t tell him that and not think it, because he will stick around and you’ll start resenting him,” Steve added. He watched Cori shake her head and he raised his hand, grabbing her chin so she’d look at him. “No, no, none of that. You know I’m right, sweetheart. You know I am. We’ve been friends long enough for me to know that look in your eyes right now.”

Cori looked into Steve’s eyes and knew she couldn’t really hide from him. “But what if I can’t forgive him?” she asked. “What if I keep wrestling over this? I mean, every time I’ve thought about him in the past two and a half years, I wanted him to hurt like I hurt.”

“Shit, Cori, _he does_!” Steve exclaimed. “You haven’t seen him moping around, waiting for a sign from you. Why do you think he’s been working this much? If he’s not with Tony, he takes on more assignments. He’s losing himself in work, so he doesn’t go nuts waiting on you.”

She nodded, then noticed something on her set of keys. “What the hell is this?” she asked, showing him a 2-year sobriety chip. “I didn’t have this on here. And even then, this should say 10 if he’s giving me his newest one!”

Steve sighed heavily. “After what happened, Bucky slipped. He fell off the wagon when you were sentenced. It didn’t last long but still happened.”

“Oh, God,” Cori whispered.

“He took off work for a bit. Nat made him. You know what happened before, right?”

“Yeah, she bought out the company from him because he was spiraling, didn’t take care of his PTSD properly.”

“Not like you have. But he did before you met him, and he’s going to a meeting every week, sometimes more than once a week. He’s sober again.”

A long, exhausted sigh was all Cori could reply. She leaned on Steve, pressing her forehead to his shoulder, and he wrapped her arms around her. “I’m so tired, Steve,” she murmured. 

“Who wouldn’t be after that conversation, driving like a madwoman, and yelling at me?” Steve chuckled.

“Shut up. Can I stay here tonight?”

“Sure, sweetheart. You know where the guest room is.”

Cori nodded as she pulled back, then cupped Steve’s cheek. “How did I go on for two years without you?”

Steve grinned. “With much difficulty, I presume.”

“You’re an ass,” Cori said as she slapped him gently.

“Give me your keys, I’ll get your suitcase,” Steve laughed. 

He picked up her keys and by the time he got back upstairs, Cori had crawled up into his bed, curling up in a ball, clutching a pillow tight. She was fast asleep, snoring softly. Steve chuckled as he set her suitcase by the door. He popped in a movie, picking Fletch for about the hundredth time then lay beside Cori. It only took a second for her to snuggle up to him and Steve wrapped his arm around her, gently rubbing her shoulder as she slept soundly. 

Cori woke up in a startle, sitting straight up, her heart thundering and tears rolling on her face. Her breath short, she whimpered in the dark, her hand gripped on Steve’s shirt. 

He groaned as he woke up. “What is it, sweetheart?” he murmured. He opened his eyes to see the panic on Cori’s face. “Cori, what is it?” he asked, worried. He sat up, and gripped her arms, shaking her gently so she’d snap out of her daze. 

Cori slowly looked at him. “She was there.”

“Who was where?”

“Mom. She came to me. She was wearing the nightgown she had that night,” Cori whispered. “She was...okay. She wasn’t bloody like I usually saw her. She looked so pretty,” she continued as tears flowed out of her eyes. 

Steve wrapped his arms around Cori, drawing her in. She nestled against his chest while heartbreaking sobs kept coming out of her. “Tell me, sweetheart, tell me about her.”

“She said that… I have to stop,” Cori hiccupped. “She said I need to let go. That I need to move on,” she cried. She sniffled and wiped her nose with her sleeve. “She said I’m better than that. And when she touched my cheek, I swear, Steve, I swear I felt her.” She buried her face in his chest, sobbing. 

Steve’s heart ached as he listened, rubbing his hands down her back, shushing Cori like a child. “I’m sure you did, sweetheart, she’s watching over you, you know that,” he whispered in her ear. He kissed her temple, then pulled back to wipe her tears. “She came to you for a reason, you know that, right?”

“I know,” Cori nodded. “I have to go. I have to end this,” she cried. Another sob came out of her lips and she stepped off the bed. “I have to go, Steve.”

Steve scooted off the bed and went with her, carrying her suitcase down the stairs and put it in her car as the sun slowly rose over New York. He hugged her tight, growling. “Drive safely. And call me. Because if you don’t, I know where you live.” He grinned.

Cori smiled gently and nodded as she bit her lip. “I love you, Steve.”

“Of course, you do, I’m lovable,” he laughed as Cori drove away, flipping him off. “I love you, Cori,” he whispered.

As she drove, Cori realized she didn’t know where to go. She had left Bucky in Maine. He certainly wasn’t home, and she wasn’t up to a two-hour drive in the state she was. She stopped in a restaurant parking lot, found her phone, then Bucky’s number. It had been over two years since she had used it and it made her shiver.

_~~I need to talk to you. Where are you?_

It took barely a minute for him to reply. 

**_~~I’m at Clint’s. Do you want me to come over?_ **

Cori threw her phone in her purse after sending a simple ‘ _No_ ’. 

Without traffic, driving to Clint’s took a little less than an hour. She gritted her teeth and breathed out. There was always traffic in New York, so she went on her way, complete silence in the car since she had broken her stereo. It was slowly driving her nuts, so she tried to think about anything else but what she had to tell Bucky. Of course, nothing worked; she always went back to him.

After an hour and a half, she finally parked in front of the little house, Clint sitting on the porch. She got up to him and hugged him tightly. “Hey, Hawkeye,” she murmured. 

“Hi, hun.” He yawned.

“You look tired.”

“I’m sleep deprived,” he groaned in her hair. “But he’s waiting for you. I have my phone, I’ll go have coffee or a drink or something,” he grumbled as he drew back. “Don’t break him, please.”

Cori didn’t reply, but released her grip on him, getting inside the house. She found Bucky in the living room, his sleeves rolled up, the first three buttons of his dress shirt unfastened, barefoot, completely slumped on the sofa. 

When he saw her, he sat up, trying to stand to meet her. “Cori, I…”

“No, don’t, Bucky. Stay there. Give me a minute,” she asked in a whisper. She stood in the middle of the living room, staring at him, probing the depths of his soul through his eyes. She realized that in those two and a half years, Bucky had aged. Not only mentally but physically. His stubble and hair were different to her, not a look she had known him with, but his demeanor was different. He was sitting on the edge of the sofa, waiting on a word from her.

Slowly, Cori knelt on the floor, far enough from Bucky, but close enough to see his reactions. She sat back on her heels and breathed out. “I’m so tired, Bucky. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired, even when I was in the hospital.”

“I… You need to…”

“I need to rest peacefully. I need for my head to be clear, for my thoughts to be free of worry. These last two years, I’ve spent them in fear. Fear of seeing you because how I’d react to you,” Cori explained, wringing her hands. “And we saw how that’s been going. I can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired of resenting you, Bucky. It has to stop.” She didn’t look up, even if she heard a distinct sob. Her face frowned with pain and heartache. She shook her head and breathed in. “I saw my mother in my dream last night.”

“What did she say?” Bucky asked, his voice strangled by emotion.

Cori smiled through her tears. “I didn’t say she said anything, but only you would guess that,” she breathed out. “She told me I need to be happy. And she’s right. I can’t keep going this way, I can’t keep carrying my past with me like this.” She slowly stood back up and finally looked at Bucky. “I have to move on, Bucky.”


	11. Chapter 11

Bucky’s eyes widened in horror and he buried his face in his hands, sobbing loudly, his elbows on his knees. “I’m so sorry, Cori, I would do anything for you to forgive me. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me,” he cried. “I wish I had been a stronger man, one that you could really count on.”

Cori didn’t hold back her tears. “Bucky, I…”

“No, you don’t have to add anything. I get it. I failed you and you can’t get past it. I completely understand and I will stop bothering you, I swear. Even the guys won’t talk to you about me, I promise, I’ll talk to them.” Bucky sniffled, wiping his eyes as he looked up. His eyes were bloodshot, his face red and wet. “I’m so sorry, Cori. I don’t think I can say it enough,” he breathed out, his chin trembling.

“You didn’t let me finish, Bucky. You’re a real chatterbox, you know that?” Cori murmured.

“I… Sorry,” Bucky said, frowning.

Cori sat on the coffee table in front of him, looking down. She clenched her jaw, pondering in silence for a moment, then looked up. “I don’t see myself moving on without you, Bucky. Whatever happens in my… OOOMPH!”

She didn’t have time to finish that Bucky had grabbed her, drawing her into the tightest hug he had ever given her. He buried his face in her neck, crying softly, unable to say a word. Cori sat there, speechless, then slowly wrapped her arms around him. The feeling of being in his arms again after all this time made her shiver, threatening to make her burst into tears even more. 

Bucky drew back, his hands up. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to be touched,” he apologized. “Even though you hugged Clint,” he grumbled.

Cori looked at him, puzzled, then laughed as she remembered the hug she had given Clint after their second joint therapy session. “You know how sensitive Hawkeye is, Bucky, and at the time, I didn’t see him as a threat. Don’t be jealous.”

“I’m not,” Bucky scoffed as he wiped his face. 

“Yes, you are. You know you are.”

Bucky sighed, shaking his head with a smile. “Alright, I was. Not anymore,” he conceded.

“Now… I’m still going to need time and space. It’s not like I can just snap my fingers, and everything will be back like it was before,” Cori explained, her head lowered.

“I didn’t expect that anyway, babe.”

Hearing that word in his mouth again made Cori’s heart swell, but she held back from touching him. “I was thinking, maybe, if you can… I mean I know your schedule is intense but…maybe you could come to another session, just me and you, with Dr. Carter?” she stammered. “Maybe she could help me see this more clearly.”

“Anything you want, Cori, I’ll make it work, I promise,” Bucky breathed out, a smile etching on his face.

Cori nodded and slumped back on the table, letting out a long sigh. She heard her stomach grumble and snorted, then shook her head. “Do you think Clint will mind if I raid his fridge?”

“Nah. But we could make him breakfast though. He deserves a little reward here.”

“True. I’ll text him. Go shower. You...smell,” Cori told him, waving her hand toward his body.

“Yeah… I worked out in these clothes in Clint’s gym to help stay sane,” Bucky breathed out. “And haven’t showered since.”

Cori cocked her head to the side, a sad smile on her face. She tried to speak but he put a finger over her mouth. “No, don’t you dare apologize to me, Cori. Never apologize to me.”

“You’ll regret saying that someday, Bucky,” Cori snorted as she stood up. She turned to go to the kitchen and stumbled, her shoe getting caught in the shaggy carpet. Bucky caught her just before she hit the floor, settling her back on it. “Nice reflexes for someone so sleepy,” she murmured.

“I told you, Cori. I’ll always be there to catch you,” Bucky whispered, squeezing her arm. He gave her a long look, then headed out of the room then up the stairs to shower. 

Breathing in deeply, Cori watched him leave, then grabbed her phone, and sent a message to Clint.

_~~You can come home. I didn’t burn it down and Bucky is still alive._

She went to the kitchen, exploring the depths of Clint’s fridge. Fortunately for her, he had had the time to stock up his fridge and she found more than enough to make them a king’s breakfast. She brewed a large pot of coffee, then put some bacon to sizzle while she prepared vegetables and grated cheese to cook them a humongous omelet, enough to feed two strong men and her own very empty stomach since she had realized she hadn’t eaten since that lunch in Maine the day before.

Clint slammed the door as he got inside, dragging his feet to the kitchen. Cori laughed as she looked at him. “What’s gotten into you?”

“ _Food_. Feed me, hun.”

“I’m trying, actively. Just a bit more patience,” Cori said with a laugh.

Clint groaned and put his elbow on the counter, his hand supporting his head. “Where is he?”

“Showering. You both smell.”

“Well, next time, you can work out _and_ stay up all night to comfort him.”

Cori looked at Clint, her gaze hardening. “You’re not funny. I don’t like sleep-deprived Clint,” she grumbled.

He shook his head as he stood, going around the kitchen island, and drew Cori into a tight hug. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for,” he sighed. “How did it go with him? I’m guessing if you’re still here and your tears dry, it went alright?” he asked, pulling back.

“It did. We talked a bit. We’ll talk some more. But basically, I told him I needed to move on,” Cori explained.

“Move on? He took that well? And he’s still here?”

“I meant, move on as in, I can’t keep being angry with him and I don’t want him out of my life. I need him like I need you, and Natasha, and Steve, and Tony. Maybe a little more.” She sighed and put the whisker she was using to beat the eggs down on the counter, then leaned against it. “I saw my mom, Hawkeye. In my dreams. I know you might not believe it, but… She’s the one who told me I need to stop and decide. And she was right. It was like living between two worlds and it’s exhausting.”

“I see. I can’t say I understand, I’ve never been through anything so...dramatic. But seeing you go through it was hard enough. I’m glad you’re giving him a fighting chance.” Clint smiled, his low voice resonating in Cori’s ears.

Her phone blared in her pocket, the Seinfeld theme song going off, making Clint laugh out loud, and Cori picked it up, seeing it was Steve. “Oh, shit, I forgot to call him.” She punched the answering button. “Don’t freak out, Meatball. I’m fine. And he’s alive,” she said, hurrying before he started yelling.

“I’ve been waiting by my phone for hours, sweetheart. You scared the shit out of me. Where are you?”

“At Clint’s. Bucky was here.”

“How did it go?” Steve asked, worry in his voice.

“Alright. Better than I expected. I actually surprise myself sometimes,” Cori replied as she sighed. “We still have ways to go, but he’s open to my suggestions. So, we’ll get there somehow.”

Steve sighed in relief. “Good, I’m glad, sweetheart See, I told you… Did you tell him you forgive him?”

“No, not yet. I... still have things to discuss with him first,” Cori said, raising her head up as she saw Bucky. “Can we talk later? I need to finish breakfast.”

“Sure. Say hi for me and one more thing, Cori. Next time you stay over, you sleep in the guest room. You snore like a freight train.”

“Go to hell, Rogers!” Cori laughed. She hung up and put her phone away, then heated up the pan to fry the vegetables. She added the eggs, then the cheese, letting it melt while she toasted the bread. She shooed away the men, telling them to serve coffee while she fixed their plates. 

When she finally sat, she saw them wolf down breakfast, then sit back, their stomachs full. She shook her head, eating slowly, her own stomach still in knots. It was strange sitting at the same table as Bucky for the first time in such a long time and she could feel his gaze upon her. 

“Stop staring. Both of you,” she sighed, pushing her plate away.

“Not staring, merely observing, sweetheart,” Clint smiled.

“Observing what?”

Bucky pondered for a moment, then leaned forward. “You’re different. More...collected.”

Cori shook her head. “At some point, you get tired of yelling, Bucky. Yelling and brooding and being sad.”

“I know, babe. I didn’t mean… I’m sorry.”

“I know, stop, Bucky, it’s fine.” She sighed as she stood, picked up their plates along with hers, emptying what was left in the trash, then put them in the sink. “I’ll let you do the dishes, Goose’s waiting on me.”

Bucky snickered as he stood. “Goose? Who’s that?”

“My cat. Don’t laugh.”

Clint burst out laughing. “Your cat’s an ass, Cori. He likes all of us but pisses on your carpet. He even shit on the guest bedroom bed.”

“Shut up, Clint.” Cori laughed. “Alright, he’s an ass. But I love him. And I’ve been gone long enough. Wanda fed him yesterday, but she knew I was coming back today, so I have to go,” she added as she walked back to the entrance. She picked up her purse, heading to the door. Both men were following her closely, almost hovering.

“Are you alright to drive?” Bucky asked, his eyebrow raised.

“I’m fine.”

Clint drew her in a hug. “Come on, Grumpy, smile a little. I’ll see you when I get back from Chicago, alright? You can call or text,” he said, kissing her forehead.

“Have a safe trip. I love you.”

“Love you too,” Clint smiled.

Cori turned towards Bucky, uneasy, unsure of what to do. 

Bucky stepped closer and took her hand, gently running his thumb over her knuckles. “Call me?” he asked in a whisper.

“I will.” She nodded. She couldn’t bring herself to hug him again, so she waved goodbye as she stepped out the door.

“We’re here today, Cori, because you asked Bucky to be present at the session. I should say that I’m pleasantly surprised.”

Cori sat in Dr. Carter’s office, Bucky in the chair beside hers, his hands clasped together on his lap. A few weeks had passed, and Bucky had finally managed to take a break from work, joining her in a session as he had promised.

“Is there anything, in particular, you wanted to discuss, Cori?” Dr. Carter asked. 

“Well, I… You can understand that I’ve decided to let Bucky in my life again. But I’m not sure how to go about it. I mean, we’ve texted and called each other, and… I don’t know about you, Bucky, but it’s awkward for me. I don’t want it to be, but it is,” Cori explained.

“It is for me too. I wish I knew what to say for it to be different, but I’m not sure,” he replied.

Dr. Carter took a few notes, then looked at them both. “I’m guessing here, but you both went through your issues when you started talking again?”

“More like yelled through them,” Cori snorted.

Bucky chuckled and glanced at her. “Yelling on your part. I couldn’t have.”

“But you wanted to.”

“I did. But what good would it have brought, babe?” Bucky asked.

Cori smiled and tilted her head to the side. “True.”

“Seeing you both civil, and even hearing Bucky calling you ‘babe’, and you letting him, Cori, is a big step. I remember the last time you were both here, it didn’t go all that well,” Dr. Carter remarked.

“No, it didn’t. But that was almost a year ago. Time has passed, I’ve grown, I had time to think.”

“So have I,” Bucky chimed in, his voice suddenly strangled.

Dr. Carter cleared her throat and lowered her notepad. “Bucky, would you like to add something?” 

“Yes, if Cori wants to hear me out.”

Cori nodded and slightly turned in her seat to face him. She saw him reach out to take her hand but waited for her to make a move. She breathed in deeply and put her hand in his and he closed it around hers, his warmth spreading to her. He smiled shyly, tears pooling in his eyes. 

“I realized that, in all this time, I’ve never asked for your forgiveness. I’ve asked you to bear my presence, to talk to me, but not once have I asked for your forgiveness. That should’ve been the first thing I did when I saw you at your job that day,” he said in a gravelly voice.

Cori bit her lip to stop it from quivering and she squeezed his hand harder. “Bucky, I…”

“Please, Cori, let me finish,” he asked, shaking his head. She nodded in reply and Bucky breathed in and out. “What I did was horrible, leaving you like that, in the worst moment of your life, and I can never make up for that. I can promise you to be there from now on, whatever should you need. I want to be your friend again, like we used to be, do movie nights together, cooking contests, taking drives upstate. I’d like us to be able to talk like we used to, without that gap between us.”

“I’d like that too, Bucky. I’m willing to give it my best,” Cori whispered.

Bucky sniffled when he looked up at her again. “I miss you so much, you have no idea.”

Cori smiled, but her eyes were full of nostalgia. “Actually, I do,” she breathed out.

“But if we’re both honest here, I don’t think we can do that, unless…”

“Unless what?”

“Unless you truly forgive me. It’ll always be hanging over my head, that shadow of the man I was that night,” Bucky murmured. He took Cori’s other hand, now squeezing both. 

She looked up at him, seeing a tear roll down his cheek. She clenched her jaw, staring into his blue eyes. 

Bucky licked his lips and took a long breath in. “Can you ever truly and completely forgive me, Cori?”


	12. Chapter 12

Everyone had gathered around at Clint’s to celebrate both Steve and Natasha’s birthdays, as they were only two weeks apart. There was meat grilling on the barbecue, chips and dips, and veggies on the table. 

Cori twitched as she realized that everyone was together for the very first time in a long time. It made her emotional. She cleared her throat, trying to chase away the tears in her eyes.

“Something wrong, babe?” Bucky asked.

Cori snapped her head back to him. He was sitting on the floor in front of the television, playing with Tony and Pepper’s daughter, Morgan. “No, no. Just realized it’s the first time in a long time we’re all together. I... missed that.”

Bucky smiled as he received a Little Pony over the head, Morgan impatient to play. He laughed and gave the little girl his attention as Cori looked around. Steve and Natasha, along with the woman he was seeing, were talking on the porch while having a beer. Clint was on the phone ordering pizza, and Tony and Pepper were snuggled together on the sofa, getting some much-needed rest.

Almost two years had passed since she had brought all her friends back into her life and she’d never been this happy. She had become partners with Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, and the business was now flourishing even more. She loved her job and getting to be her own boss was something new and exciting. She didn’t miss being Tony’s assistant coordinator, even if she had been part of that world for a long time. In a way, she still felt connected to it, being friends with her old boss.

Her sessions with Dr. Carter were now on a need-to basis and Cori had been weaned off her medication. She truly felt better although the possibility of going off the deep end was always in the back of her mind. She kept her focus on getting better instead of living in fear all the time. 

Clint hung up and came plopping down on the couch beside her. “How are you doing? Need a drink?”

“Nah, I’m fine,” she said as she showed him the bottle of sparkling water she was drinking. “How are you? On vacation?”

“For a little bit. I’ll be working with Nat for a while after this.”

“Yeah? And how is it going between you two?”

He blushed and looked outside. “Good. Slow, but good. It’s just… We’re both used to being alone.”

“But you don’t have to.”

Clint winked at her and grabbed her hand, kissing the back of it. A cry resounded in the next room and Cori saw Tony and Pepper moving to get up, so she moved faster. “Please, let me. You’re not here for long, I want to soak in the baby smell while I can,” she said with a smile, ducking in the guest room.

“You’re changing diapers, Pipsqueak,” Tony bellowed.

Cori tiptoed in the room and quickly picked up a fussy Stan. She changed his diaper, then nestled him in the crook of her neck, supporting his back as she sat in the rocking chair Clint had put up. She moved slowly, but within minutes, Stan was fast asleep, his little hands curled up into fists. Just as Cori put him back down in his crib, it was Leigh’s turn to fuss, so she picked her up as well. She was more vocal while Cori changed her diaper and Tony popped his head through the doorway. “Everything alright here?” he asked.

“Just fine,” she whispered as she buttoned Leigh’s onesie back up. She picked her up and nestled her in her arms, walking out of the room so her cries wouldn’t wake her brother. Tony followed her; his hands close by. “Are you afraid I’ll drop her, Einstein?”

“No, no… I… Yes,” he admitted. “She’s just so _tiny_!”

“Come on, she’s bigger than Goose and I’ve never dropped him,” Cori argued, her eyebrow raised. “Do you want her back?” she asked.

He grinned. “Yes, please!”

Cori smiled as she shook her head. She raised Leigh up to her face, kissed her forehead, then put the baby in Tony’s arms. He cocked his head to the side, his smile a little different.

“What?”

“I know I’ve been away a lot lately but… It’s really good to see you, Pipsqueak. And seeing you happy is even better,” he murmured.

Cori pushed herself up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. “It’s good to see you too, Tony. I’ve missed you. Those babies are adorable. You have a wonderful family,” she said, squeezing his forearm. 

“One you’re still part of.”

“Always.” Cori smiled. She headed to the kitchen, looking back. “Anyone want anything? More popcorn?”

“I’ll have a beer, sweetheart!” Steve asked. “And one for Mel.”

“Same for me, sweetie,” Natasha added.

Cori nodded and slipped into the kitchen, putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave, getting some beer out of the fridge, and little gummy bears for Morgan in the cupboard. She set everything on the tray Clint had put out, then headed back out to the living room, distributing the goodies all around. When she was done, she leaned on the doorframe, her arms crossed. 

The movie they’d put on was halfway done, but no one was really watching. Clint was now on the floor with Morgan and Bucky was braiding a pony’s hair. Steve and Mel were in each other’s arms while Natasha watched over like a mama bear. Tony and Pepper were nestled on the sofa again, Leigh safely tucked in Pepper’s arms.

Cori grinned and headed out to the bathroom to pee and freshen up. She had been up since dawn, having promised Clint to baby proof his house. She’d laughed at him since only Morgan would go around. Cori spent the rest of her time baking a cake and decorating it as Wanda had taught her while marinating the meat for the barbecue.

As she got out of the bathroom, she was pulled sideways, then pinned to the wall. Cori sucked in a breath, then smiled. “What do you think you’re doing? The room next door is full of our friends!” she yelped.

“I’m taking some time with my girl. That’s allowed, isn’t it?”

Cori smiled and leaned down, wrapping her arms around Bucky’s shoulders. “I’ve missed you too, honey. Two months away with Tony and Pepper is long! I’ve only seen you twice!” she murmured against his mouth before kissing him slowly.

“I know, babe, I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy, and I missed you,” Bucky breathed out. He glanced sideways, checking if anyone was coming, then picked up Cori in his arms. He hurried to the guest bedroom on the second floor while Cori tried to remain silent, giggles escaping her lips. 

As soon as he closed the door, he settled her on her feet, his eyes devouring her. “Next time I’m leaving, you’re taking time off to come to visit me. You’re partly the boss now, you can do that,” he growled, walking towards her.

“I can, honey, but that’s not a really good example to give,” Cori grinned as she backed away toward the bed.

Bucky grinned, lowering his head. “But it’s good to be bad.”

Cori burst out laughing as she sat on the edge of the bed. “You did not just say that! You’re hopeless,” she said, shaking her head.

“Only for you, babe,” he murmured before lunging at her. He pushed her back on the bed, his hands running on her sides, to raise her arms above her head. He locked his fingers with hers, his mouth trailing down her neck before finding her lips. He sighed in contentment as he kissed her, groaning when Cori gently bit his lip, tugging on it. “Fuck, I’m missed you,” he gasped, pressing his erection on her.

Cori yelped and pushed him away gently. “We can’t do this here! They’ll hear us!”

But Bucky had already started hauling up her dress, tossing it aside. Cori narrowed her eyes, then grabbed the opening of his t-shirt, jerking him forward. “Off with those.”

“So _not_ hard to convince you.” Bucky grinned. He stood again, removed his t-shirt and pants. He ran to the door, locked it, then came back to bed, groaning with a smile when he saw Cori had taken off her bra and panties. She sat on the bed with her legs crossed, braced back on her arms. “So, so beautiful,” he rasped as he stalked back. 

He knelt in front of her, his warm hands running up her legs, uncrossing them as he got to his thighs, spreading them slowly. He took one look up, seeing Cori staring at him, her eyes full of love and lust, and he dove between her legs, the flat of his tongue licking her wet slit. She groaned and gripped his hair with one hand, holding herself up with the other. She hauled up one leg on his shoulder, giving him better access.

“I won’t last long, Bucky. Oh, God!” she said softly, hitching a breath as Bucky circled her nub with his lips. She had to muffle herself as she laid back, her whimpers getting louder and louder as Bucky’s tongue slowly took her higher. She bucked her hips when he pushed it deep inside her core, slamming a fist on her bed. He brought his hand up, rubbing his thumb on her hardened nub, as he teased her entrance with his tongue. “Bucky… Oh, God, BUCKY!” she cried out, clamping her hand over her mouth to silence herself as her orgasm crashed into her like a tidal wave. She breathed heavily as she came down, Bucky slowly rising. 

He removed his boxer briefs, then climbed on the bed. “Move back, babe,” he rasped. 

Cori managed to do as he asked, staring at him, seeing his eyes filled with desire. He looked perfect in this light, his body sculpted, his hair disheveled. She licked her lips and smiled as she heard him growl. “Can I help you with something there?” she asked, her hand running along his chest, then abs, only to stop as she reached his throbbing shaft.

“You’re evil, you know that?” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her slowly. “I love you so much, Cori,” he breathed out, searching her eyes.

She smiled, cupping his face with both hands. “I love you, Bucky,” she whispered. “Now make love to me.”

Bucky smiled and moved to kneel between her legs. He pressed himself at her entrance and pushed in slowly, Cori wrapping her hand around his neck. She gasped when he was fully sheathed inside of her and raised her legs to wrap them around his waist. 

He stilled a moment, making sure she was alright, then began thrusting. He pressed his chest against her, knowing how much she loved to feel his weight over her, and intertwined his fingers with hers, raising her arm over her head. He moved slow, locking her gaze with hers, feeling her clench around him. “Oh, Cori, God, you’re perfect. So perfect for me,” he said in a gravelly voice, his body twitching. “It was too long, all this time without you.”

Cori moaned, her head pressing in the pillows as she felt another orgasm rushing through her already. “Oh, Bucky, faster, I’m right there,” she begged, rolling her hips with his thrusts. Tears formed in her eyes when his words sunk in and she knew he didn’t just mean the last two months. She shook her head, so she’d stay in the moment, and wrapped her free arm around his back, her nails digging into his skin. 

Bucky started thrusting faster, pulling almost completely out only to slam back in, making them both cry out. He pressed his mouth over Cori’s, muffling her screams with a kiss when she hit her climax, her heels digging in his butt. He thrust a few more times, then groaned as he spilled deep inside her, his body shuddering.

He collapsed over Cori and she welcomed him with arms wide open. He let go of her hand to cup her cheek, his thumb running over her lips, and she closed her arms around his back, grazing her fingertips on his shoulder blades as they both tried to breathe normally again. It was long minutes before either of them could say anything, Cori completely lost in her thoughts. 

It had taken them six months after she had said she forgave him in Dr. Carter’s office for them to be completely comfortable with each other again, then another six before Bucky dared to ask her out on an official date. Even if she had tried pushing away the possibility of them being a couple before that, she couldn’t deny that she had never stopped loving him and that his efforts to win her trust and respect back had only reinforced that love.

Bucky had been ever so patient with her, never pushing her and Cori had thanked him by being completely open with him. She hadn’t hidden from him her encounter with Steve in Montreal. He’d been angry at first, but Cori made him understand that Steve had only been there as a friend in a moment of desperation, and that other than friendship, she felt nothing for him. He’d told her about falling off the wagon and his second round at recovery.

They had moved in together just before Christmas. Since then, it had only been perfect, even if it was hard for them to be away from each other. They had made the most of their time together while he was home, then lived through the separation when he was away to work for Tony in other countries. He was home for a month now, just before heading to Australia and Cori knew she would just completely soak him up before he had to go.

She felt Bucky stirring as he nuzzled her neck. “What’s the matter, honey, not comfortable?”

“On the contrary, babe. If it were just me, I’d never leave here. But I guess we should go back downstairs.”

“Just a few more minutes,” Cori pleaded, her fingers toying with a strand of his hair.

“Okay, just a few.” Bucky smiled, nipping on her collarbone. “By the way, seeing you with a baby in your arms? Makes a man dream, Cori,” he admitted, resting his head on her breasts.

“We’ve never talked about this. You want babies?”

Bucky stirred against her and looked into her eyes to say, “I do. As long as they’re with you.”


	13. Chapter 13

The night was calm, breezy at most. Cori was sitting on the back porch with Steve. He was reading a computer magazine while she was knitting a throw. She hummed as a gentle draft lifted her hair, then looked at Steve. “So, have you asked her yet?”

He lifted his head from the magazine. “Ask who what?” 

“Dr. Carter… Peggy. Have you asked her out yet?” 

When she saw him blush, Cori knew he hadn’t. “Come on! You know she’s just waiting for a sign from you. Since she’s not my therapist anymore, you can ask her out. I know she’s tickling your fancy.”

“Oh shush!” Steve replied, burying his face in his magazine. “You really think she’d say yes?” he asked as he peeked to the side.

“Of course! She ate up everything you said when she came over for the shower.”

Steve bit his lip and gave Cori a boyish grin. “I really like her. Plus, she’s hot. I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Good.” Cori put her knitting aside and slowly lifted, rubbing her round belly. “I have to pee again.”

“Take your time, I’m here until Bucky comes back anyway.”

“It’s nice having my own babysitter.”

Steve watched her waddle away, happy for his friends. 

After a low-key wedding in their backyard, Cori and Bucky had begun trying for a baby. It had been a long road for them, filled with miscarriages, fertility tests, and even a fibroid surgery for Cori. Steve knew she felt guilty, that she wondered if somehow her breakdown years before had caused this, but even her doctor had reassured her it wasn’t the case. 

It was when they stopped trying and began talking about being a foster family or adoption that the pressure had gone down, and Cori had found herself pregnant. Bucky had gathered everyone and made them promise to keep her in a safe bubble and as calm as possible during the pregnancy, which they had.

Steve counted back and realized that Cori was near her due date. “Hey, Cor? When are you hatching?” he called out with a laugh.

Cori yelled back, “In three days!” She smiled in the mirror as she pulled her dress down over her belly. Hers and Bucky's dream was finally about to come through. After so many tests and injections, then losses, their baby was about to be born. They had chosen to not know the sex of the baby to make this experience the best it could be.

She waddled out of the bathroom and stopped, feeling something odd. Steve heard a faint sound and called out, “You okay? I thought you said you were hatching in three days!”

“I am hatching NOW, you big clown!” she shouted back from inside.

“What do you mean now?”

“I was due in three days but it’s happening now.”

The information registered and he jumped to his feet, then ran inside. Cori was standing above a small pool of water. “Did your water break?”

“Either that or I’m incontinent!” 

Steve hurried to help her sit and she lay on her side on the couch. “Call Bucky,” she said. “Then you’ll take me to the hospital.”

“But I can’t drive when I’m this stressed,” he replied as he began pacing around. 

Cori growled. “Hey, Meatball! _I’m_ the one that’s going to push a watermelon out! Grab ahold of your balls and do your babysitter job,” she said through gritted teeth. “Just give me the phone and go start the car.” As he hurried off, she speed-dialed Nat’s number.

On the other side of town, Natasha surveyed the room as light jazz music played. Her phone rang in her ear and she answered quickly. “Romanoff.”

“Nat, it’s Cori. My water just broke. Steve’s going to take me to the hospital.”

“Oooh, ok! I’ll get someone to replace Bucky and will send him to you.”

“Wait! Nat, can you be there too?”

The redhead smiled even if Cori couldn’t see her. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. We’ll join you at the hospital. Drive safe.”

“Steve should be fine if he calms down. I think he’s more nervous than Buck!”

Natasha laughed. “Somehow, I can see that. Alright, get going. We’ll be there soon.” She hung up and made her way across the room while calling in another employee and sent Happy Hogan to get the car ready. 

Pepper, Tony, and Bucky were together, though Bucky was in work mode; his eyes scanning the crowd for any threat. Natasha approached Tony first and whispered in his ear and he told Pepper while Nat went to Bucky. “I called my replacement. Cori’s water just broke.”

He sucked in a breath; his eyes wide. “Is she okay?” 

“She’s fine. I just talked to her. She wants us all there. Steve is driving her to the hospital. Happy will drive us all, he’s waiting up front.”

The quartet hurried outside and slipped into the limousine. Bucky kept looking outside, wringing his hands.

“Hey, buddy,” Tony said, “She’ll be fine. Out of all of us, she’s the strongest. And you know like I do Steve won’t let anything happen to her.”

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t want to miss anything. We’ve been waiting so long for this.”

Tony nodded, then leaned forward. “Hey, Happy? Floor it!”

Once at the hospital, Cori was quickly brought to her private room and settled in bed while Steve continued pacing. She finally sighed and showed him the door. “You’re making me dizzy here. Go have some water, call Peggy, and calm down, then come back.”

He nodded and left while a nurse entered. “How are you feeling, Mrs. Barnes?”

Cori still loved the sound of that name. “I’m okay. Just had a few contractions but nothing too intense.”

“Can I see how far you’re dilated?” the nurse asked as she put on gloves.

“Sure, yeah.”

As the nurse did her job, Cori asked, “Will I get that belt on my belly to hear the heartbeat and follow contractions?”

“About four centimeters. And yes, we can put that on, but if you still want the water birth, it’ll have to come off.” The nurse smiled as she installed the monitor over Cori, then asked, “Dad on his way?”

“I think that if he’s not in a car on the way here, he’s probably running to get here.” Cori laughed but soon hissed as another contraction came. She breathed as she’d been taught, listening to the little heartbeat of her surprise baby.

The nurse left, letting Bucky in along with Nat, Tony, and Pepper. They greeted her quickly, telling her Clint was also on his way while Bucky removed his jacket and bow tie. He sat by Cori’s side and took her hand as Tony, Nat, and Pepper left.

“How’s my girl?” he asked, kissing her knuckles. “You ready for this?”

“As I’ll ever be, yeah.” She pulled him closer for a kiss. “Are you okay?”

He chuckled. “My heart is racing, but I feel like I’m sitting on clouds,” he replied. “Do you need anything?”

“Just you,” she replied as she drew him in the bed. “The contractions are growing stronger, but I want you close. When they get too strong, I’ll go in the tub.”

“Okay, babe.” Bucky wrapped his arms around her, one hand rubbing her belly. “Need ice chips? Backrub?”

“N-No!” Cori gritted her teeth as another contraction came. “Just rub there,” she managed to say, moving his hand to the side.

He did as she asked, his lips on her forehead. They remained like that for a while, talking softly.

“You know I love you, right? And I’m so proud of you.”

She smiled. “I love you too. And I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

Bucky knew she was truthful after all they’d been through, alone and together. He’d been there for every appointment, every test, every scan. There was nothing more he wanted than to have a family with Cori. They’d also decided that if another child didn’t come easily, they would see about adopting.

As he gently rubbed her belly, they chatted about everything and nothing; the gala, the nursery, and the baby names they liked.

“What about Atlas? Strong name, right?” Bucky asked.

“Are we going Greek? ‘Cause we could go with Zeus,” she replied jokingly.

He eyed her and burst out laughing. “Okay, no Atlas. How abouuut...James Jr.?”

“I like that. Little Jamie.”

“Okay, one point for me. What would be your choice?”

Another contraction came before she answered, “Austin. Austin Barnes.”

He hummed. “I like that. So, Jamie or Austin. And girls’ names, we already know.”

Cori smiled, “We do.” She kissed him and groaned when another stronger contraction made her shift. 

To soothe, her, he hummed an old lullaby in her ear until Cori was too uncomfortable to remain in bed, then called for the nurse to fill the tub and helped his wife move into it. 

She sighed as he helped her sit and she gripped the sides of the tub as another contraction came. She breathed through it, and the nurse checked her again. 

“Seven centimeters. Slowly getting there.”

“Seven? That’s it?” Cori said with a whine. 

“It could go really fast. The water will help you relax and open your cervix.”

Cori nodded and leaned back, letting Bucky wrap his arms around her shoulders, his lips pressed on her temple.

“You can do this, babe. I’m right here,” he said as he rubbed her belly. He’d never looked forward to something so much as to hold his baby in his arms for the first time. Whether it was a boy or a girl, he didn’t care. All he wanted was a healthy baby.

“Do you want music on?” he asked softly.

“Nah, I’m good like this with just you.”

There was a knock on the door and Steve came in, much calmer than before. “Hey, you guys. Just came to check in. Do you need anything?”

Cori didn’t answer as another contraction came and Bucky shook his head. “All good. Seven centimeters.”

“Good! I’ll keep the others posted. They’re kind of pacing around.”

Letting a puff of air out, Cori laughed and said through clenched teeth, “You’re probably all pacing around.”

“I’m leading the pack,” Steve replied as he winked. He left when Cori let out a swear through a particularly harsh contraction.

“Breathe, babe, you’re doing good.” 

He kept rubbing her belly, barely conscious of time passing by. Only his wife’s pain kept him grounded in reality as she now used his hands as squeeze toys for every contraction.

It was when night turned into day and Cori’s moans became cries that he began to worry. Fortunately, the nurse came around again to check on her patient.

She smiled triumphantly as she lifted from the side of the tub. “You’re about to be parents. Ten centimeters.”

“Oh, God, finally. I feel like pushing. Can I? Can I push?” Cori asked as she shifted in the tub to open her legs a little wider. 

“You can while I call on the doctor. Remember, bear down, count to ten, then take another breath.”

“I’ll count,” Bucky said. “Come on, Mama, you can do this.” He also readjusted to support her back while watching his little miracle coming to life. 

As she began pushing, Cori’s mind wandered to her mother, and for a second, she wished Lili were there. _She is here_ , she thought to herself. _Always with me._

“Nine, ten. Good job, babe. Again?”

Cori took another breath and started pushing again, feeling physical pain like never before. Now she understood why some people called mothers ‘superheroes’; giving birth felt like a superhuman effort.

The doctor arrived while two nurses took their position, all at the ready for the baby to arrive. Cori pushed and pushed, breathed like she was told, but soon began feeling like this was a never-ending task.

“I can’t. I can’t do this anymore! Help me, Bucky!”

“Cori, you can. You’re doing it. The baby’s crowning. Look!”

Seeing a little tuft of hair in the mirror facing her in the water gave Cori more strength than she thought she had left in her. She pushed hard and finally, the head popped out.

“Good job!” the doctor exclaimed. “Now, keep pushing through for the shoulders.”

The pain was excruciating but Cori didn’t give up. She pushed harder than before as the shoulders passed, and right as she pushed one last time, her world slowed down. The baby slipped out of her like it was nothing, only to be caught by the doctor and lifted from the water.

The little wrinkly child cried loudly, appeasing Cori’s fear that they were alive after all her lost babies. Bucky kissed her temple as he laughed through his tears. “Look, it’s a girl!”

The doctor put the baby in Cori’s arms, then a nurse covered her with a thick towel. The new mom felt tears streaming down her face but didn’t care. She finally had her baby in her arms. She gently kissed her child’s head, then Bucky as he leaned over. 

“Welcome to the world, my baby girl,” he whispered as he kissed his child’s forehead. He looked at his wife, unable to stop crying either. “Look what we made!”

Cori smiled as she sobbed in joy. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

“The most gorgeous team of girls, that’s what I have,” he replied softly.

Around them, the doctor encouraged Cori to pass the afterbirth after he clamped the cord, and nurses prepared a bassinet for the baby. Together, they helped Cori back to her bed and she settled with some discomfort while Bucky rocked his daughter onto his bare chest. She couldn’t stop looking at them. 

After the doctor and nurses left, he brought the baby back to her so she could try nursing. Fortunately, it went smoothly. When she was done, Cori opened the blanket and counted toes and fingers. “Ten and ten,” she whispered, still in awe of her child. 

Bucky smiled fondly at them. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this but I’m so happy I could burst.” He leaned down to kiss her.

There was a soft knock on the door. Steve peeked in, grinning. “I heard congratulations are in order?”

Cori waved him in, though everyone else followed; Natasha, Clint, Tony, Pepper, Wanda, Pietro, and even Dr. Carter. The congratulations came from each, as softly as they could, and they all took place around Cori’s bed after Bucky settled in with her, putting the baby in her arms. 

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Lili Barnes, our daughter.” Saying her mother’s name took a whole new meaning for Cori, and this time, it finally had a happy ending.


End file.
